The world is an amazing playground
Working alone on tasks that are risk-free and keep you small
Embracing the risks of playing out in the world to be a positive influence on others.
The Spirit of Play… was missing!
The concept of social play and pivotal moments is essential to our philosophy of Life Coaching.
From our definition of coaching, you are probably wondering:
How do we play life? And
How do we practice life?
In 2006 I had a flash of insight. By this time, I had been a professional Life Coach for 9 years and had taught Life Coaching Education Programs to thousands of people entering our fast-growing field. In observing how I was coaching and how the thousands of people I was teaching were coaching, I came to a conclusion and a question:
Conclusion: Life Coaching had become a watered-down hybrid of project management and counselling; focused on the tasks and problems that were on the “clients” mind that day.
Question: Why didn’t life coaching have the same vibrancy – and public admiration – as the athletic and performance art coaching I had experienced and observed?
My insight was that the spirit of play was completely missing from Life Coaching!
Around this time another huge cultural phenomenon emerged: MILLIONS of people playing online role player games. Many millions more – of all ages – playing video games and games on their phones. I realized that humans are positively yearning to play. The only thing they don’t realize is that they can play their REAL life.
Over time I realized that the field of Life Coaching was the ONLY field that was focused on play and playing life better. Everything else was focused on fixing the “problems” of people.
The 4 Things Dreamers Desire!
Get out there!
Social play means that it involves co-creating an experience with one or more other people rather than completing a task in isolation as is the norm in the Industrial Culture of Control.
A Pivotal Moment is a coachable moment where the player has a choice about how and how BIG they are going to play; typically there is a choice between taking a risk or avoiding a risk.
Relate for Influence (AKA Play for “Yes”)
Relate means talking to other people! This is pretty much what we do all the time in life. It becomes playful where there is an opportunity for positive influence like when you are asking someone to do something with you and they might say “yes”, but they might say “no”.
Create for Inspiration (AKA to Share with others)
Creating is when you make a thing or you design an experience that you aim to share with others; for examples: writing, recording, designing, planning. The sharing part is all about participation and contribution and comes from our desire to inspire. This is very much in line with the “Life is Performance Art” concept.
Explore for Visibility (AKA to See and Be Seen)
Exploring is when you go into a new territory; you are stepping into the unknown (hopefully with a sense of wonder) It can be a physical place, a social media platform or even a new idea. You explore to see and experience new people and new places; and also to BE SEEN by new people.
Experiment for Change (AKA to Try New Ways)
Experimenting is any time you do something that you have not done before OR you do something that you have done in a new way. Often when we experiment, we have an idea or a hope of what will happen, but we don’t actually know. A key to success is to start with an intention, be open to new possibilities AND keep track of what happens; and most important is to not look at any outcome as a failure but as learning.
Hopefully you are getting energized about playing for your Dream!
So, I want you to wonder… to dream… of what you would do if you were able to increase your influence in the social world around you?
Also, I want you to wonder… to dream… of how valuable you will be as a Life Coach when you can you guide other people to increase their influence in the social world around them?
The 4 “things” dreamers’ desire!
Entrepreneurs, leaders of teams and organizations, people with a cause, people with an idea… anyone who aims to move beyond the status quo of life wants these four things:
That means your players. That means YOU too!
These are the four things EVERYONE playing big in the world wants more of; wants to do better or bigger in their own unique way to make a positive impact; to matter.
And here is another BIG point: Everyone has unique superpowers within them that can be unleashed to become AWESOME in each of these four types of social play. As a coach you help each player develop their own personal style for each type of activity.
All four of these types of social activity can be PRACTICED to develop confidence, personal style and the ability create more of the experiences that they desire. As a coach you guide your players toward the experiences they desire, the impact they desire and personal transformation AT THE SAME TIME!.
The FEAR of Social Play
Now you might be thinking: “Yes, these social play actions and results are exactly what I want!
“But when I think about it:
- Asking for what I want, or need is pretty hard for me.
- Sharing what I create can be a real struggle.
- I know I need to “get out there” and be more visible, but it’s not easy.
- Trying new things often feels too risky so I stick with what I always do.”
If it’s hard for me, how can I coach others?
There are two things here.
1) You will need to fully embrace your own adventure WITH your coach to expand your abilities and confidence in these four areas.
2) You don’t need to be perfect to be a coach. NOT AT ALL. You only need the willingness to play and the deep desire to guide others no matter what your own ability is.
As you explore these fears in your own life, you will become more capable as a guide for your players on their journey.
These four social play activities will bring up seven really intense FEARS!
While all of us with a BIG Dream to contribute our unique value and voice to others want these four experiences… we are all also navigating through these seven intense fears; mostly on a non-conscious level and mostly with a variety of not-so-effective methods! (Hah! That is an understatement).
Relate for Influence = Fear of Rejection
To play for impact in the world – even with just a few people – you need to cultivate a high level of ease with approaching people and talking with them. And then you need to invite them to a next step. This is where the fear of rejection comes in. BIG TIME.
Create for Inspiration = Fear of Disappointment
Playing BIG for your dream will include creating and sharing experiences (or content) in a variety of forms; all with the desire to inspire. Also, every time you have an opportunity to speak in front of people you are creating and sharing an experience. The fear that we might disappoint someone or BE disappointed by someone’s reaction to what we create can be a BIG block to creating and sharing. (Hah! I am feeling that right now as I write this!!)
Create for Inspiration is the essence of the idea that life can be played like performance art!
Explore for Visibility = Fear of Trouble
Exploring for visibility is often described as: “I need to get out there”. And for many people this is a BIG struggle; this is because the Fear of Trouble is VERY REAL.
In order to contribute your gifts to others you need to find people (customers, colleagues or partners) to participate in what you are creating. You need to “get out in the world” either physically or virtually.
The world of people is an amazing but potentially “dangerous” place, at least at an emotional level. The potential for trouble in the unknown is why most people stay where they are and spend their time with the same people. However, it is almost impossible to pursue your dream this way.
Experiment for Change = Fear of Mistakes
As coaches and entrepreneurs, we are change-makers! But at the same time, we are often crippled by the fear of mistakes.
This is a big artifact of the Industrial Age mindset that everything you need to do: a) there is a right way to do it b) you should be able to do it the right way every time and never make mistakes.
Of course, this is nonsense! But the residue of this mindset from school and jobs keeps us locked into a perfection trap. This makes it sooo hard to experiment and find our unique way to do everything our Dream needs us to do.
Fear of Judgment ~ Fear of Failure ~ Fear that I am not enough
These fears are basically accumulations of the four fears of playfulness. They are deep artifacts of the Industrial Culture of Control, and they impact our thoughts and feelings in a profound way.
Here is a BIG idea: these social FEARS – and the beliefs that form around them – are not inherent to us, we absorb them from the culture through our life experiences.
BIG POINT regarding the power of coaching: it is almost impossible to explore social fear by playing alone. But together we can do it!
So, as a Life Coach, you will become a very capable guide for your players… out in the social world… through these intense fears… you so your player can become very capable in expressing their Superpowers in Pivotal Moments of Social Play while in pursuit of their BIG Dreams.
That’s why you are here with us.
Here is a really important transformation: to thrive as a Life Coach you will need to radically uplevel your approach to Social FEAR.
At CoachVille we have a saying:
Social Fear is a treasure map to your superpowers.
If you aim to play for your Dream at a high level, and coach others at a high level you will need to embrace and explore these social fears with profound curiosity. Fear is not a road map with step-by-step instructions. It is a treasure map with mysterious puzzles and clues. This is what I mean by explore your fears like a treasure map.
Being a Life Coach…
You will become very skilled at noticing pivotal moments of choice where your players have big growth opportunities in front of them.
You will become very playful in how you practice social play moments with your player… you will generally become a much more playful person as well. BONUS!
You will become perceptive in recognizing social fear and how to explore it like a treasure map… this is a world changing ability I can’t wait to show you!!
Center for Coaching Mastery Program
In the Center for Coaching Mastery Program all of the classes use this Social Play framework so you will have lots of opportunities to practice with it!
You will become a master at encouraging people to step out into the world where social reward is possible.