In a world with so many coulds, shoulds and wants, how do you know how to select what's best for you?  In this 3 Step Training, you learn how to define the 3 most important, and enduring, measures of success for you.  After this exercise, you'll never forget the phrase "I know I am being successful by..."  

This 3 Step Training is one of our most popular, by coaches and clients alike.  



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  For the Client

  QuickQuiz
  Client Guide
  Client Worksheet
  PDF of the cover page, quiz, worksheet and Client Guide (300K)



  For the Coach

  Who is this MicroModule most useful for?
  How do I bring up this subject to a client or potential client?
  How do I transition someone to become my client after this?
  Here’s what you should know about this process...
  50 Sample success definitions
  Related Life Models
  Related Evolutionary Progression
  License Rights/Teaching License
  Transcript of the TeleClass
 
RealAudio of the 45 minute TeleClass 
 
MP3 of the 45 minute TeleClass
  PDF of the Coach Guide, including the Client Guide (300K)



  For Marketing

  Banner ads 
  Testimonials
  Sample Invitation Letter for Defining Success



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Instructions

Circle NT if not true, T if sometimes true, VT if very true.  Total your 'score.'  Go for a perfect 30.

NT T  VT

  Statement

1    2    3

1. I know within seconds whether or not a new opportunity is truly right for me.
1    2    3 2. I know exactly how I define success; it is not in question or doubt.
1    2    3 3. The goals I set for myself don't change all that much; they stay true.
1    2    3 4. I know what is most important to me as a person (outside of roles, etc.)
1    2    3 5. My primary measures of success in life are internal benchmarks, not external goals.
1    2    3 6. I don't find myself juggling my priorities. I know and live what matters most.
1    2    3 7. The key people in my life totally support what is most important to me.
1    2    3 8. If I lost everything, I would still know what's most important to me.
1    2    3 9. I am no longer diverted or seduced by 'great ideas' that turn out to be expensive distractions.
1    2    3 10. I am very, very successful, as I define success.
___  ___  ___
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  Defining Success Worksheet


  I know I am being successful by...

_______________________________________________


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  I know I am being successful
by... 

_______________________________________________


_______________________________________________



  I know I am being successful
by... 

_______________________________________________  


_______________________________________________  



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   Introduction

What does Defining Success mean?

It means that you have identified the 3 key relationships, things, or other elements of life that that are most important to you in your life at this time.  These 3 items can be things like “The love I experience from my wife.” to “How creative I’m being.”  The idea of defining success may sound pretty obvious to you, but there is a subtlety to this process that you’ll learn about in just a moment.

What seems to be true about the notion of defining success?
Until you take the time to define success for yourself, it is most likely being defined by others, your culture, the past, hope or advertising.
Only you can truly define success for yourself.  And, you can use feedback from others to help you articulate your 3 success definitions.
These success definitions set you free to enjoy life completely; they do not define you or box you in.  Rather, they release you from priorities that are not relevant or that meaningful.

Why is it beneficial for me to define success?
Given the number of influences, past and present, that one is subjected to, it’s very helpful to know what’s most important to you.  This, so that you don’t get seduced or distracted by the demands of others, your job, advertising or other sources which will tend to define what’s important to you if you haven’t taken the opportunity to define yourself first.

  The 3 Steps
How do I define success for myself?  There are 3 steps...


Step 1.  Ask yourself this question.

I know I am being successful by... [fill in the blank here]

It’s very important that you use the exact sentence structure and words that you see above because this sets you up to articulate more clearly how you not only define success but how you know you’re being success at any given moment.  See, we promised you a subtlety and that is it.


Step 2. Tweak your 3 responses until they resonate.
You'll know that a success definition is phrased well when you feel a tingle in your body, or the light bulb goes on or you feel otherwise excited.  Not feeling that way yet?  Not to worry.  This exercise is new for most people and it may take a couple days of tinkering with your success definitions before they zing.  And they will.  You will also find yourself thinking about success as you are redefining it; that is good!  If you are truly stuck and just can't find resonating definitions, then simply start over and pick totally different ones.  This, because sometimes people confuse what they should or could want for their success definitions with what they really, really want.


Step 3.  Notice the tugs you feel.
As you feel your success definitions resonating over the coming weeks, notice the way it tugs at you to make small, or perhaps significant, changes in your life. You’ll catch yourself fairly quickly when you feel pulled away from your definitions.  Youíll find it easier to say no to people or situations that just donít fit anymore with what is most important to you.  It's up to you if you want to make these changes right now, but at least you'll know what your body and heart are suggesting. 


  Examples
Here are some Strong (S) Weak (W) examples of definitions of success.  What makes an example strong is that it resonates with you, instead of just describing something important to you.  Give the phrasing a twist until it zings for you.  Can't make it zing?  Then select something entirely different for one of your success definitions.

S: I know I am being successful by how much I am enjoying my creativity.
W: I know I am being successful by how creative I am.

S: I know I am being successful by how much I am being nurtured by my relationship with God.
W: I know I am being successful by how much I believe in God.

S: I know I am being successful by how nice of a person I’m being no matter what.
W: I know I am being successful by how often I am nice.






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   Introduction

  Who is this MicroModule most useful for?
The defining success MicroModule is useful with anyone at any age.  And, it is particularly useful with individuals who:
1. Keep changing their goals or are easily distracted.
2. May know their values but don’t know how to orient around their values.
3. Aren't sure what their real priorities are in life.
4. Have goals but those goals aren’t being accomplished.
5. Need some help with defining who they are.

  How do I bring up this subject to a client or potential client?
That’s easy.  This topic is not confrontive.  Here are several ways to phrase the invitation:
”John, have you ever taken 10 minutes to define the 3 ways you measure success for yourself?”
”Barb, I can take you through a little process that will help you naturally prioritize for the rest of your life.  Takes about 10 minutes.  Interested?”
”Steve, one of the things I generally do with all my new clients is to help them identify the 3 ways in which they would personally measure successful for themselves.  May I do that with you?”

  How do I transition someone to become my client after this?
Once someone has completed the exercise, they should be pretty excited by their 3 definitions.  And they’ll now be wondering how to realign their life, goals, priorities, relationships around their 3 newly articulated definitions of success.  Here is some phrasing you can use to segue them to becoming a client of yours.
”Given what you’ve just articulated, how can I help you, John?”
”Okay, Jan, there is a next step to this process and that’s to tweak a couple of things in your life to make sure your life can be in synch with the 3 success definitions you just articulated?”
”Bob, given what you now know, what’s the next step in the process of living these successful definitions?”
”Karen, how would you use me as your coach to help get your life completely oriented around your 3 definitions of success?”


   Here is what you should know...


  Your folks will tend to modify the first part of the sentence. 
The correct form is
I know I am being successful byÖ
Bring them back to this format because it helps them tell the truth instead of turning this into a goal or something.

  Press your folks to complete the sentence in as few words as possible. 
They’ll tend to ramble and include two elements like “I know I'm being successful by how anxious I am to get up in the morning and start my work.” Well, which is it?

  Press for single words not dual words.
When you hear them using two words like “I know I’m being successful when I feel happiness and joy” then ask them to scrap that one and start over. Same is truly if they use two adjectives instead of just one.

  Jump in with rephrasing examples.
You don’t have to wait for them to come up with them.  For example, with above example I asked if it was more like…
”I know I’m being successful by how eagerly I jump out of bed in the morning.”
”I know I’m being successful by how excited I am to start my day.”
”I know I’m being successful by how many exciting things I’ve got scheduled for the day.”
These are very similar, but subtle word differences matter in this exercise.

  Keep playing with the person’s wording until a light bulb goes on.
And it will.  When the right phrase (aka truth) pops out, the person instantly gets it and also gets the value of this exercise.  It pops, they pop. It’s noticeable.  You’ve now got a motivated client.   And, if it doesn’t pop for the person, don’t worry.  You’ve planted a very important seed.  It will grow on its own. 

  This exercise is really powerful because it, by itself, will move folks forward.
You’ll find that in order to live their 3 success definitions that they’ll go out and get a more fitting job, stop doing stuff that doesn’t fit for them, shift some relationships around, and eagerly start designing a complete life that reflects their 3 success definitions. It’s nothing short of magic.

  You are helping the person identify internal, personal benchmarks.
Not the more typical external or performance measures.  The external or performance measures come and go.  These internal definitions of success, while they may change over time, will be fairly consistent because they are both personal and fundamental to that person.  They are theirs, not the world’s.  These are 3 golden threads in the fabric of their lives.


   50 Sample success definitions.
Here’s list of 50 well phrased success definitions.  Familiarize yourself with these and you’ll be better equipped to help a client articulate theirs.  Note: Not all of these examples follow the suggested phrasing convention but they do work pretty well.

I know I am being successful by how many whims I am chasing.

I know I am being successful by the feeling I'm giving my very best effort in everything I do.

I know I am being successful by how much passive income I am generating.

I know I am being successful when I can wake up every morning of every day and decide "what will I do today?"

I know I am being successful when I can live anywhere in the world I choose, at any time.

I know I am being successful when I have no deadlines to meet.

I know I am being successful when I can look at my calendar and see nothing but open spaces.

I know I am being successful by the absence of "time for money" arrangements

I know I am being successful when my stomach is knot free at all times.

I know I am being successful when there are no whiny people in my life.

I know I am being successful when I truly enjoy the full range of my emotions, even the ones I don’t like.  

I know I am being successful when I don't have to worry about the balance in my checkbook.

I know I am being successful when I watch my kids becoming positive, compassionate, spiritual, loving adults.

I know I am being successful by how little I care about what other people think of me.

I know I am being successful by how easily my ideas convert into revenue streams.

I know I am being successful by how often I have no to do list for the day.

I know I am being successful when I am happy almost all of the time.

I know I am being successful by how much energy I have throughout the day.

I know I am being successful by how well I treat my body.

I know I am being successful by how often I feel at peace.

I know I am being successful by how rich my life is without being an expensive consumer.

I know I am being successful when I have thrown away my alarm clock because it is unnecessary.

I know I am being successful by how little I react to situations where one would normally be upset.

I know I am being successful when other people’s behavior doesn’t really affect me very much.  

I know I'm being successful by how many great whims I am following.

I know I'm being successful by how much of my day is spent in "flow."

I know I am being successful by how often I take vacations.  

I know I am being successful when I don't even think about needing or wanting more clients.

I know I am being successful in life when I can afford to "lose myself" in everything that I endeavor

I know I am being successful when I enjoy every single thing I do with my time.

I know I am being successful when I glow from the love I give and receive.

I know I am being successful when I am fully enjoying life’s gifts.

I know I am being successful by how rarely I rush or experience adrenaline.

I know I am being successful when life is so easy that I'm suspicious.

I know I am being successful by how quickly I come to accept and integrate every single event that occurs

I know I am being successful when I have the reserves to freely engage in as many creative outlets as I wish at any given time.

I know I am being successful by how often I am feel inspired and energized.

I know I am being successful when I'm having the time of my life and I'm not doing anything stupid.

I know I am being successful when people feel comfortable coming to me to brainstorm new ideas

I know I am being successful when my husband and I can't wait to be home together.

I know I am being successful by how often people I meet take a great interest in my work.

I know I am being successful by how many times I laugh each day. 

I know I am being successful by how meaningful my relationships are.

I know I am being successful by how often I feel the presence of God in my life during a day.

I know I am being successful by how often I flaunt (or ignore) the standard rules of the game.

I know I am being successful when I feel no anxiety, about anything, whatsoever.

I know I am being successful when I no longer have to work for money.

I know I am being successful by how little I hold back in what I say or do.

I know I am being successful when I don't feel the need to do nice things for people, and yet I do.  


   Related Evolutionary Progressions
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   Related Life Models
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   License Rights and Restrictions
This Defining Success Module is an original work product owned by CoachVille.com, and is part of a larger work called the Perfect Life Program and is also part of a large collection of 3 Step Training Modules available at 3steptraining.com.  Each of our 3 Step Training Modules is licensed separately.

1. If you are conducting a CoachVille Study Group or CoachVille-affiliated Chapter session, you may duplicate and use this Module during the Study Group/Chapter meeting, and those attending your CV Study Group CV Chapter meeting are licensed to use this process/exercise with their clients, on a one-to-one basis, with no license fee.  

2. If you/anyone wishes to weave this exercise into a workshop or presentation, or work with companies or groups or groups of clients, there is a one-time/lifetime $19 teaching license which includes free use of the client and coach materials. So, if you plan to use this material/concept with a group of folks, even if you are giving a free talk on this topics, you must purchase the $19 teaching license, which is a onetime fee which grants you the right to use/teach this module with groups and in other formats. You may purchase this teaching license immediately and online at http://www.teachinglicense.com.  It takes just a moment.

3. The one exception to free use is that you may not use these materials in the process of training other coaches; they must join Coachville or the Graduate School of Coaching themselves, except of course, if they are attending one of your CoachVille Study Groups.

4. You may not modify these materials in any way; the end user must know these are copyrighted pieces, used under license.

5.  Anyone who takes (or registers for) the Perfect Life Program (currently $99 for CV members, visit http://www.aperfectlife.com), receives the group use Teaching License and the other tools of the Perfect Life Program and does not need to purchase a separate Teaching License.

6. Anyone who has or does enroll in the Graduate School of Coaching (the GSC tuition is currently $1795 and includes a wide range of advanced coach training course and resources, including the master set of thee 3 Step Training Modules), receives a group teaching license to this 3 Step Training Module and licenses to over 100 other 3 Step Training Modules.  So, if you are planning on offering much group coaching or training, the best value is the GSC.  Details at http://www.graduateschoolofcoaching.com.


   Transcript of Training Session

Defining Success
January 11, 2002 - 2:00 p.m. EST
Thomas Leonard, Session Leader

The RealAudio of this session is here.
*Please note, you will want to stop the call after about 15-20 minutes, when you are playing this for your study group, to break into small groups and have them work on defining success for themselves.

TJL: Hi; welcome to the call; this is a discussion group of the study group hosts. Our topic today is defining success, one of the first modules we've come up with to do with the attendees of your study group. I'll be speaking for about 5 minutes to give you some background, and then I'll ask those on the call to share some of their definitions. This is a powerful process, and it's important to use very specific language when talking about this subject to turn it from a bright idea to a real reference point in one's life. I want to share with you as many examples as possible. At the end, we'll talk about how to actually use it with your study group attendees and answer questions. 

The background first is important because I think you should understand where some of these micro-modules came from, and it's important to match the right module with the right situation. 

A couple of years ago, I talked to a high-end PR expert about whether I wanted to be another Tony Robbins. This person, about 10 minutes into the conversation, asked me a very powerful question - how come you're not sure if you should be sure if you should become the next Tony Robbins? I told her I hadn't thought about it much, and she couldn't understand why I didn't even know if I wanted this. Then she asked me if I hadn't ever defined success for myself. I hadn't really. She asked that I do that first; I took a couple days to think about it, and ended up with 3 things I felt were how I defined success for myself, and I'll share them with you. 

Again, each word matters in both how I set it up and each word I use - it's not trying to be a language police, but there is a certain way of phrasing that is true; it really pops up. The first one is "I know I am being successful by how much I'm enjoying my creativity." There's a standard preface, "I know I am being successful by…." And then the second part is some example of that. This was not my first iteration; it was a process that led me to something I could measure and feel. This was my 3rd iteration, and it just stuck for me. 

These are based on experimenting, and you can't often experience it without some experimenting. You might want to pair people up to help each other. The 2nd one, for me, is "I know I'm being successful by how much I'm being nourished by my relationship with God." So, it isn't how much I believe in God; I look at God and thought about what is it about that relationship that is important to me. 

Also, what you're going to find as you work with the group, people will often have one that doesn't make sense to anybody else, but means a lot to them. Mine is "I know I'm being successful by how nice a person I am at any given time." Women, particularly, are kind of forced to be nice - it's kind of a cultural tether. For me, this was incredibly important - to be strong and confident, but still be nice. I can make $1 million or $10 million, but if I'm not nice in the process, then I've failed. 

These are the 3 "legs" or the tripod, that are true and being respected and being honored and provides a certain feeling of success for you. For me, I could be broke, but if these 3 feelings were true, I would feel successful. For most of us, success has been defined by others - either family, friends, television, co-workers, etc. One of the benefits of this process is that it becomes a filter or screen for things that used to get right to you; it can protect you from undue influences. If you know who you are, it's really a barometer and a filter. 

First, thanks for listening, and I want to get to examples. Before we get to those, does anybody have any questions or success story to offer?

Mary Pat:
Obviously, I need to do this exercise for myself, first. Coaching someone, is it important to direct them away from work success as a personal success? If someone defines success as having 16 accounts and making $250,000 a year, would you let them be with that?

TJL: That's a great question. I would actually go a bit deeper, and ask them about more personal benchmarks - ask them if there's a more personal version of that that's not numbers driven. They might want to refine their goal of 16 accounts to the number of referrals they're getting from their current customers. 

Mary Pat:
Thank you.

TJL: You're welcome. Who else has a question about this? Great; let's get back and talk about you. I'd like to ask for a volunteer. Start off by saying, "I know I'm being successful by how…." And then go from there.

Donna: I know I'm being successful by how anxious I am to get up in the morning and start my work.

TJL: Okay; great. This is a fairly common one; is it the process of waking up happy, or going to work, or having something to look forward to every morning?

Donna: When I wake up, I'm thinking already about what I'm going to do and just jump out of bed.

TJL: Okay; is it about how fast you jump out?

Donna: I think if things are going well in my work, I lay in bed and think about what I need to do, but when I'm feeling successful, I'm all there and ready to jump out.

TJL: What you said was very clear; I'm just trying to push it to make sure it's true for you. There are actually 2 components there. I'm trying to make sure it's work or it's jumping out of bed.

Donna: That's a good question.

TJL: Okay; let me help you. You can help by pushing the opinion - it's important to have an exchange. Rather than just trying to evoke it from each other, give each other ideas about how they would phrase what the other person said. If you use this generic one, it also forces you to come up with things that you find exciting on Saturday and Sunday.

Donna: That's a good point; it did feel different when you mentioned 'Saturday'.

TJL: And when it's really true, it'll make a difference in their life. I stopped drinking coffee, I got rid of some relationships, etc. I used these as benchmarks to define my life. If your goal is to wake up like this everyday….

Donna: That's a good point.

XXX: I know I'm being successful by how fulfilled I feel when I'm in the process of doing something.

TJL: Okay. Say it again, if you would.

XXX: I know I'm being successful by how fulfilled I feel when I'm in the process of doing something.

TJL: Okay; give me one example.

XXX: When I'm talking to a client, if I feel really fulfilled by the conversation.

TJL: And how do you know you're feeling fulfilled?

XXX: It's just a feeling I have - when someone's understanding themselves or the world around them.

TJL: Okay; let me just use that as a teaching example. Sometimes during the first iteration people will use a word that's a category, rather than a specific feeling. In this example, it's 'fulfilled'. It's a word they could use, but you want to find out, thought, what it is that is making them feel fulfilled. You want to find out what that thing is, because it'll provide even more punch to the definition. I'm not saying it is, but am just using it as an example. You want to push them to say what it is really, and whatever they say, that's what you want to grab onto. Being fulfilled is the by-product.

XXX: I know I'm being successful by how often I laugh or smile during the day.

TJL: Which is it?

XXX: Both.

TJL: I challenge this because when people say 2 words, I want them to use one. When they say 2, it's usually neither of the two, but is something behind those two. I can't tell you why that is, but it is. Say it again.

XXX: I know I'm being successful by how often I laugh or smile during the day.

TJL: Is it times of the day, qualities of smiling, how many times?

XXX: How often I feel joy, I guess.

TJL: And how do you know you're feeling joy?

XXX: By how often I'm laughing or smiling. They're the outward marks of the joy I feel.

TJL: And what causes that?

XXX: Connecting with someone, moving forward myself or helping a client move forward.

TJL: Okay. You want to take what the person said, and poke around in it a bit. There's no juice to it yet. It's kind of like the world "fulfilled". I want to find out what's behind it; what actually causes you joy? Joy, technically, from the old definition, is intellectual stimulation that occurs.

XXX: That's kind of it.

TJL: The trick is for you to pick 3 things that have juice in them and provide some direction or benchmark. For example, I am more than a creative person, a believer in God, and a nice person, but for me, those are important benchmarks. Let me give you a couple of examples, and you tell me which one is closest. I know how successful I'm being by how easily forward I'm moving in any situation; I know how successful I'm being by how much I connect with others; and I know how successful I'm being by how much intellectual stimulation I'm enjoying from all sources.

XXX: Wow, I think you just did all 3 of mine!

TJL: What do you know! (laugh) - just to give you guys a sense of things. I've finally become pretty good at nailing them pretty fast, but I wasn't always. The good thing about being a coach for this module, you'll get really good at this much faster. You'll get better and better at thinking of ways to phrase things that the client hasn't thought of. Which of the 3 seems to have the most juice for you?

XXX: How easily I'm moving forward in any situation.

TJL: That's a pretty telling measure. It means your synchronicity is working…

XXX: It kind of encompasses the others. That's helpful; thank you.

TJL: We have time for 1 or 2 more; who's next?

Mary Pat:
I know by how consistently I use the truth of my voice.

TJL: In terms of vocal chords, or….?

Mary Pat:
No, in terms of my voice.

TJL: And how are you being truthful?

Mary Pat:
When I see something and I say something about it; I don't repress it. So it's about consistently using my voice for truth?

TJL: So you've had the 'mute' button on?

Mary Pat:
Yes, it's been on quite often.

TJL: It's a matter of taking that 'mute' button off.

Mary Pat:
Right.

TJL: Sometimes you can phrase things in the negative and it's still quite positive. Tell me what you think…. By how rarely my mute button is on. That seems like the conflict you're having; you're not playing with the truth. You're playing with the mute button. Or, I know… how little I delay in saying what comes to mind. It could be not just the 'on' or 'off', but how long you wait to say something. Remember when we talked about intuition or inkling? An inkling is something even quieter than intuition, so my guess is that you're having inklings but not a lot of evidence to back them up…. As you begin to trust that, and begin to share those inklings, it'll make a big difference. It'll really begin to open you up. It's more than just truth; inklings are often a richer form of truth. Intuition is too conscious, if you know what I mean. Coaches are really in the inkling business, but sometimes we're afraid when they come to mind. 

Again, this is just an example of taking something and turning it into a learning exercise, and weaving in the distinctions between inkling and intuition. It's a way to rather than have 3 definitions, have 3 definitions that connect to parts of their lives. If you were to re-phrase it in your own words, what would you say?

XXX: I know I'm being successful by how often I can trust and share my inklings.

TJL: Great. 

XXX: Thank you; I've been struggling with this for a long time.

TJL: You now know what it feels like to find one, and now that you say it, it just really rings true for you.

XXX: Thank you. 

TJL: Now, I'm going to ask as many of you as are willing to share something that I did, something you noticed or learned; I want to do a 'brain dump' on your part, and make it helpful for those listening to the tape or reading the transcription. What did you learn?

XXX: I learned more about the internal aspects of being successful, rather than the external.

TJL: And what does that mean?

XXX: Just the "I feel successful when I'm being…" rather than when I do this or that…..

TJL: So they're not so much achievement points?

XXX: Yes. 

TJL: Good; who else?

Jan: I found how important it is to get the words down and get the meaning behind it.

TJL: Yes, if you can poke and dig a little, it becomes more than just a definition, but a good experiment.

XXX: What I got was from the last person - you just look a little deeper and you begin to really understand how powerful it is.

TJL: Yes, and it is kind of looking for a pot of gold. By dialoguing with you and constantly poking, something pops up.

Donna: I think it was helpful when you said that when people use 2 words, they usually mean neither one. In doing that with me, I found a great definition for what I was trying to say.

TJL: Thank you for that; who's next?

Mary Pat:
One thing that came up for me - when someone is using a common phrase, you're going to want to dig deeper. It's not deeper, and you need to find out what's really underneath that.

TJL: Yes. Who's next?

Mimi: One thing I learned is hearing the passion change in a person's voice when they're getting closer.

TJL: Yes, their eyes light up, they start to shine, and you'll know when it's there. You may tweak it from that point on, but you'll know the point at which they really get it.

XXX: I had the point of words just reinforced for me. I also lacked the distinction of inkling and intuition, and I just treasure that.

XXX: Hearing your story and how you came up with the 3 areas for yourself was a good framework to work off of.

TJL: Thank you; you can share that if you want or share your story or success with it - whatever helps someone understand the history and the power of it. any questions about how to use this with your study group?

Diane: You mentioned earlier that we might want to pair up…

TJL: You can do that or all work on someone's for 10 minutes. You can also weave in teaching points, and use that to help them learn to work with their clients. You can also give them homework to come up with the 3 definitions and bring them to the study group; that way you can move into the background and experimentation with the ideas they've gotten. People don't so much want theory, but a minute or two might provide some good context.

XXX: I was thinking of sort of a mastermind session when you first brought it up, and working with each person that way.

TJL: Yes, the center of attention would work well too.

Donna: You're really good at facilitating this; what if it doesn't pop?

TJL: It's not always going to pop for you; you're going to find 1 or 2 people in the group who are just naturally good and just some how 'get it' and they're going to be doing the job you think you should do because they're just good at it. Defer to them; it makes for a much more interesting day for them, so don't be afraid. It's not going to be perfect, but you're going to get plenty of value from going through the exercise.

Donna: Thank you.

TJL: You're welcome; anyone else?

Paul: If, during the discussion, someone gets confused between their definitions of success and life purpose, how would you talk to someone about that?

TJL: Life purpose and definition of success are total opposites, just to clarify that. Purpose is kind f why you're here, where success definitions are what's most important to you.

XXX: That makes sense to me; some people I've spoken with think they're similar. I'm glad to hear how you've phrased it. 

TJL: When some people get into the life purpose thing, they can't proceed with life. It holds them back and they think they can't proceed because they don't have one. 

XXX: That's great; thank you.

TJL: You're welcome. Anyone else?

XXX: Can I just go back to the conversation about having 2 words can sometimes lead to a muddying of the waters? I agree, but I have two words, passion and joy, and don't think I'd really like to let go of either one of those. Could you go back to that idea and refine it for us a little? What should we do when a client doesn't want to let them go?

TJL: Ask them to suspend it - ask them to re-phrase it using 2 other words. That way you don't have to be argumentative; just ask them to suspend it temporarily. For example, I had someone talk to me about the notion of choice. When I asked him to suspend the word "choice" from his lexicon for 30 days, he was so confused and didn't like it at all. He was wedded to "choice"! Maybe that's the actual problem; maybe you're in a loop.

Flo: Can I comment on that? I had something similar in one of mine; I had something about it made me laugh and had meaning. One of my definitions of success is when I write something that moves me, not just makes me laugh.

TJL: Our time is up; thank you all for playing. I appreciate you staying until the end!



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   Testimonials

I can't tell you how inspiring it has been to write up my definitions of success. They are SO important, and such good ways to check in with yourself to be sure you're on track. I'm not only using this in designing my own coaching business, I'll also use it in sessions with my clients, and will be able to incorporate the idea with reference to Thomas and Coachville when I give presentations. - Coach Jan

I've so enjoyed this exercise we did together. I find that it's already shaping how I am viewing and living each day of my life. It gives me something to live up to as well as something to pat myself on the back when it happens. I also had the opportunity to do the exercise with my mother and it was a great experience for both of us. I'm so glad I got to participate in this exercise with all of you. -Coach Marnee

I really enjoyed the study group about Success. It forced me to think about not only what my values are, but how I measure myself against those values. The exercise really challenged me to re-language what I consider as success into something that really resonates with my soul. It was very useful and I think it will be something I will carry with me and use for myself and my clients for a long time. -Coach Barb

I want to thank you for inviting me to the Coachville workshop. I found it very valuable. I thought the atmosphere was very warm and friendly and everyone there was very supportive. I was very happy to meet other coaches as well. I hope you will keep me in the loop for future workshops. -Coach John


I've so enjoyed this exercise we did together. I find that it's already shaping how I am viewing and living each day of my life. It gives me something to live up to as well as something to pat myself on the back when it happens. I also had the opportunity to do the exercise with my mother and it was a great experience for both of us. I'm so glad I got to participate in this exercise with all of you. -Michelle

I want to thank you for inviting me to the Coachville study group. I found it very valuable. I thought the atmosphere was very warm and friendly and everyone there was very supportive. I was very happy to meet other coaches as well. I hope you will keep me in the loop for future workshops. -Karen



   Study Group Invitation




Mark your calendar!
[insert date here]
700pm to 900pm
Location: [insert address or area of town here]
Hosted by: Susan T. Austin
RSVP (required) to
[insert your email address here]

Focus
The focus of our next study group is on How to Define Success for you and your practice. As coaches there are many ways to define success. This should be lots of fun and very valuable! Join a group of your peers as we help each other land on what success means for you.

We'll be playing an intro tape from Thomas Leonard and Dave Buck from CoachVille, and learning how to work this exercise both for ourselves and for use with clients.  I have the full set of materials for this MicroModule share with you: Coach Guide, Client Guide, and Worksheet.


Why this focus is valuable
In a world with so many coulds, shoulds and wants, how does one know how to select what's best for them?  In this MicroModule, you learn how to define the 3 most important, and enduring, measures of success for you.  After this exercise, you'll never forget the phrase "I know how successful I'm being by how ...."  This MicroModule is one of our most popular, by coaches and clients alike.

The trick to adding value to a client in this area is to help them tweak their wording of how they say they define success.  this is important because until the right wording pops, these success definitions can sound like hazy Hallmark cards, a list of goals, or a real set of shoulds or coulds.  I'll be demonstrating how to do this process and the questions to ask your clients, so that bye the end of the Study Group session, you'll be ready to work with clients on this topic, using the tools you'll be learning.


About the CoachVille Study Groups
This is a totally new format for coaches to learn together in local study groups, just like in college!  Each group has a host and from between 3 and 12 coaches  who attend monthly get-togethers, usually at someone's home or office. These Study Groups are informal, friendly and focused. Each meeting has a specific learning focus where we all learn from each other and from the guest experts who connect with us via conference call or audio tape.

I am a CoachVille Study Group Host and I would for you to join me and several other coaches as we get to know each a bit, and also focus on the great coach training material that CoachVille is providing for our use, completely free of charge.

Everyone is welcome to attend a CoachVille Study Group; they do not have to be a CoachVille member.


Our Agenda for
[insert date here]
700-730pm | Welcoming, getting to know each other, self intros
730-745pm | Host introduces the topic of the evening
745-845pm | Group discussion, does exercises
845-900pm | Winding down, announcements
900pm | End


Please bring
A pad of paper and a pen.
A beverage to share.
Business cards to share, if you wish.
And please dress casually/comfortably
.  We're not formal at all.


Preparation

Note to Host
This section is optional.   IF you want them to come up to speed with this topic, you can email them the MicroModule PDFs or point them to the website to download them and ask the coaches to start working on their 3 definitions of success.  Remember, this is a study group, not a classroom, so the more folks are prepared/educated about the process before they show up, the easier it is for you and the more they'll get out of the Study Group.

RSVP is required
Please let me know that you are coming and if you are bringing any friends or colleagues.  We're hosting this at [insert type of location] so we have to know how many are coming.
[insert your name]:
[insert your area code and phone number] or [insert email address].

Location
We are meeting at [insert address and suite/apt number here]
Area of town: [insert area of town here]
Cross Streets: [insert cross streets here]
Directions
[insert ultra clear directions here]

Note to Host:
Alternatively, for your personal safety/protection and/or to tightly manage the event size, do not include the specific address in the invitation, but rather the area of town.  Say that you will reply with the specific address when you confirm their RSVP.



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