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School of Coaching Training
Class 2708 - Coaching Proficiency #8: Hones in on What is Most Important
January 16, 2003 - 8:00 p.m. EST
Susan Austin, Instructor

Susan: Welcome to you all! This is class #2708; this is proficiency #8 and this is Susan Austin. This is the first time we've led this for the Graduate School of Coaching, so you are pioneers. We've also led these at the coaching intensives sessions. You may notice a change since then because we continually update our material.

I'm going to cover the theory behind the proficiencies and we'll talk about why this is a proficiency and then we'll have a general discussion on the proficiency and have a how-to. Then, about halfway through the call, we'll do a role play and then discuss what to look for if you're using this in a discussion.

The theory behind this is that priorities can change by the minute. Does anyone use the prep forms on the call?

XXX: Yes (multiple voices).

Susan: Great, and the important thing to know is that after they've filled them out, they can always change. It's good to check in with clients and see if those things are still true for them. Some people can communicate easily, where others can't hear what their client is saying when they're talking. Part of what a coach does is find something more compelling to do - often clients come with a goal or objective, and we find a bigger game to play that's more self-motivating.

This is actually a meta-proficiency; you're going to be keeping 2 things in your mind - what's most important in their life and what's most important that's going on during the call. Why hone in on what's important?

Katherine: What most people present to us as the issue is only the surface symptom of the problem.

Susan: Very good; that's probably the number 1 reason why you want to hone in on what's most important. Most clients don't have the language to talk about what's really on their minds. What else?

XXX: Along with what Katherine was saying, it actually gives clarity around the core issue and then the light bulb goes on and they can make their own connections - they can often shift around that without too much help.

Susan: I totally agree; a lot of times there's an energetic response.

XXX: Yes, you can almost feel the tone changing.

Susan: And if there isn't that, you're actually having a nice chat. Who else?

XXX: A lot of times, I don't know what the heart of the problem is until I talk it through.

Susan: Right, because the client can't see what the underlying problem is.

Terri: Sometimes a client will get on the call and just start talking and talking; for me, it's important to hone in on what's important on that call because they're paying for me to coach them and I want to make the most of their time.

Susan: And how do you do that?

Terri: Well, by some of these things that are on the list, like listening for dissonance or looking for synchronicity, things like that.

Susan: Good, and what's she's referring to - for those of you who got the email - we've put a list together of the 12 things that are things to do. We give you 12 different ways to do that; I just want to reiterate that there's no one way - sometimes you have to just go with what your gut is and it'll lead to what's there. it can take 1 or 2 coaching calls to get there.

Another thing is that it solves the 'fire hydrant' problem; when you hear a lot of information, it's hard to know, as a coach, where to start with that. This list can help you discern what you're hearing. Then lastly, if you can't see what the next step is for the client, I encourage you to keep looking. If the next step isn't clear, you probably haven't honed in on what's most important.

Juliet: If there's a lot of resistance, it's likely that there is something important there, isn't it?

Susan: That's very good; I used to push my clients through resistance, and now I stop and get curious to see what's really there. That's a very good point.

Okay, let's go into the nuts-and-bolts of how you hone in. How do you hone in on what's most important? How do you know where to go with your clients?

XXX: One way I do that is to simply ask them. They don't always know, but sometimes they do know.

Susan: Good; sometimes I do the same thing. Who else? How do you hone in?

XXX: 22 years in sales has allowed me to fact-find, so I'll just ask a series of questions and just keep going until you hear it, or until you know that the light went on.

Susan: And how do you know what questions to ask?

XXX: By something they say, or even sometimes by the sound of their voice. As they answer things, you can start asking questions on that.

Susan: Very good.

XXX: I'm a big inkling follower and I pay a lot of attention to body language and my inklings. I'll throw it out to the client and see how they respond - sometimes it'll just pop right out.

Susan: Interesting!

Carol: Often, I find at the beginning what's important is different than what's important 5 minutes later. It's important for them to start out by saying it, though.

Susan: Yes; then how do you segue into finding what's most important for them?

Carol: I ask where they want to go on the call, and usually they take a step back because they don't know. Then, when they do say something, if I don't hear the right tone, I'll probe a little bit and get down to what is most important.

Susan: Great; if you look at the orb, we've identified 3 areas to hone in on, and we'll go through that briefly then look at the graph. You can discover what's pressing. If we don't focus on it, Thomas will actually stop and focus on what that is. Also, opportunity costs. As someone mentioned earlier, clients are paying for our time and there's an opportunity cost to what they're working on. Then, whether or not the timing is right. A client may want to quit their job, but the timing isn't right - it's just another area to look at with your client.

Then, the 3rd area is to know what's most important. If they're out of integrity in an area, that's a sign, for example. Working on that has been my experience as a way to help them attain their goals as well.

XXX: Could you give an example of that?

Susan: Sure; if someone isn't paying their bills on time, they're doing something that's - it's funny because integrity has to be personally defined. If someone is out of integrity, you can actually do quite a bit of coaching to get them into integrity and that'll allow them to free up space that can help them elsewhere.

XXX: Can I give you an example? I want to be debt-free, but I still use my credit card, for example.

Susan: I'm not sure you're out of integrity, but I would want to know your values around bills. If you're 6 months or 60 days behind in paying that bill, you might be out of integrity, but if you're simply using the card, that may not be out of integrity for you.

Carrie: When you're using integrity here, are you pretty much saying a lack of integration or wholeness within yourself?

Susan: I would want the client to explore that for themselves, or for you and your client to explore together.

Carrie: Okay, thanks.

Susan: And then the big one I use with almost all of my clients, is their measures of success. I find it completely relaxes the client and orients them around the coaching we're doing. This is actually an exercise we do - there's a 3-step training module on how your clients define success for themselves. Again, it re-orients them, relaxes them, and gives more meaning to the coaching. It's a more powerful measure. Has anyone on the call defined success for themselves?

XXX: Yes; I've defined success as when I experience a great degree of synchronicity, have energy when I wake up in the morning, and when I'm being naturally generous.

Susan: And how is that useful?

XXX: Whenever I'm not feeling that way, I'll look around to see what's going on. usually, there's something that's causing it and once I find it and re-orient around it, it gets me back on track.

Susan: Great. I know I'm being successful by how much fun I'm having any given moment. I have a physical reaction when I hear the word 'fun'. I'll check in with that throughout the day and if I'm not having fun, I'll re-orient myself to get back into that space. My 2nd definition is by what I'm discovering about myself. I just thrive on that. Before I took this job at CoachVille, I almost took a sales job but it didn't meet those 2 definitions. For me, it's been life-changing. My 3rd definition is by how little I'm suffering. This one is brand new, and I'm still tweaking it; for me, suffering is a big thing.

Okay, I'd like to switch gears really quick and talk about the graph that I sent with the notes. I'll just describe it briefly; it's 5 circles, going from smaller to larger. A lot of times, clients will bring us symptoms, and we can provide value there. If we hone in more, though, we'll get closer to the core and provide greater value. Or, you can keep going - and I'm not sure that this isn't a progressive chart - and talk about the problems the clients are having, or we can hone in on what's an opportunity, and where you really want to get to is the dynamic of what the client is experiencing. If you can know what the client is experiencing, and coach to that place, that'll solve the source of the problem for a lifetime, rather than having it repeated. Just so you know, this dynamic piece is going to be one of the advanced proficiencies that Thomas is working on now. As you coach more and more, your honing in skills will get better and better.

Carrie: Something that's interesting that I heard someone say is that if you move in deeper, you don't get sucked into the emotional story that lies on the surface - sometimes that's tough.

Susan: Yes, particularly if you're looking to get your needs met from that.

Carrie: Yes.

Jim: I find that when clients get into details and symptoms and stories, it helps me if I just assume that these are all coming from something, that they're around something. I try to see what they all have in common. The other thing I find useful is to ignore the 'headache', for example and find out what the source of that headache.

Susan: Yes, and it may take you a while to find the source of the headache, and sometimes clients won't give you the time to find that source. We don't want to shrug off the headache, if you will, because it's actually what's going to lead you to the source.

XXX: I always learn - I believe that a bit of story is okay, but then too much is just not too good. Now, from what I understand is that we must be present to the story because it could indicate what's behind it.

Susan: Yes, and again, you don't just want to get stopped at the story, although sometimes my coaching does get stopped at the story. As I get more experienced as a coach, my ability to get to that underlying dynamic is helping me become more masterful.

Okay, I'd like to just share a client situation and we'll actually try to identify the symptom is from whatever I'm talking about. We'll just go around the group and I don't know if we'll nail this or not, but we'll at least look at the different levels there.

I have an interesting situation with my finances. I come from abundance, but when my client asked me a question, I couldn't answer it. I should've paid my taxes, but I didn't. I know there are things I should be doing, but I just don't do them. So, what are the symptoms?

XXX: Self-doubt.

Susan: Is that a symptom?

XXX: I don't think it's a symptom, but I think the symptom is not being able to answer the question.

Susan: Yeah, I would say that how the situation shows up - not paying bills or paying bills late is the symptom.

XXX: What comes to my mind is lack of clarity.

Susan: That the client has a lack of clarity?

XXX: Yes, if they can't answer the question, then it's a lack of clarity around what the true status is.

Susan: Yes, and that could be a symptom of something much bigger.

XXX: There seems to be a lack of financial integrity.

Susan: Yes, and that one's tricky and we'll talk about it. For this particular client, there's probably another dynamic going on there. What about urgencies?

XXX: A balanced check book immediately.

XXX: Getting your taxes paid.

Susan: Okay, good. What else?

XXX: To know where they are financially sounds like an urgent question.

XXX: I wonder if there's something to look at regarding the consequences if they're not done.

Susan: Okay, good.

XXX: I'm curious about the distinction between the concern that they're not able to ask the question, more than then taxes aren't paid. It would imply that the concern is not a financial one.

Susan: Yes, and as you can see from us getting deeper, we're really getting to the source. What are some of the problems?

XXX: The self-doubt created by your lifestyle of abundance and how you've not paid the taxes.

XXX: Is there also something going on here about empowering herself through spilling her own beans?

Susan: Yes; that is a good question.

XXX: I'm also wondering if the coming from a place of abundance isn't a cover that you've been using or an excuse to spend as you have or get behind in your debts.

Susan: Yes, I almost wear it like a badge of honor! And so what are some of the opportunities?

XXX: To take the client to a new level of financial integrity and emotional balance.

XXX: You've got an opportunity to actually look at the badge that she wears.

Susan: Yes, I'm thinking there's almost a financial opportunity to - almost like if I can solve this and leverage this, I can then actually make it a profit center in my business.

XXX: There's an opportunity for you to address this and actually create a real abundance because you'll handle your finances in a more responsible way.

Susan: Very good.

XXX: It sounds like you having been doing abundance as almost an intuitive thing in your life, and this looks like an opportunity to create an intention to living a life of abundance.

Susan: As opposed to the haphazard way I've been living?

XXX: Yes.

XXX: And perhaps making distinctions between the spiritual abundance and generosity and the actual 'things' generosity.

XXX: Maybe this is an opportunity to introduce a new paradigm. Maybe there's a concept of responsibility and organization that she can add to her repertoire.

XXX: Yes, abundance comes in many forms, and when you go back to your 3 measures of success, it may be that you do have an abundance of fun, and maybe at the current point in time, an abundance of suffering. This has been great for me in terms of really understanding how important it is to work with a client on what's abundance for them.

Do you think that's the true dynamic that's going on with this client?

XXX: I would say no; I think there's something else that's running this picture.

XXX: And is it the most important thing, too.

XXX: Have we defined dynamic here, Susan?

Susan: We're saying the dynamic is what is driving the client. I'll go out on a limb here and say this feeling of abundance or thinking of abundance is driving me, and yet my actions belie that belief. There's actually a truth to be told around that, and then where else am I doing this?

With that, we are at the top of the hour. Because we're still recording, I'd like to know what is useful. What are you taking away from today?

XXX: It makes it a really great orderly system to go about it.

Susan: Yes, it's almost a step-by-step process.

XXX: It's a wonderful reminder that what may look like the core, it isn't.

Susan: Yes, and as a reminder, we're going to be adding the 15 dynamics to really get you to start looking at this. Who else?

XXX: This is my first TeleClass ever and it's been wonderful. Just to have the role play has been great, too!

Susan: Great; anyone else?

XXX: I find these charts useful; it sort of gives you hooks to latch onto and keep yourself in order.

Susan: Yes, and the beauty in these graphs is that it gives you a conceptual view of what it looks like. It gives you a place to go to with the client. Anyone else? When you know you're honing in on the most important thing, the client re-orients around it and the next step becomes very clear. There'll be less doubt and delay and will keep the client moving forward. Thanks for contributing! Good night!




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