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Graduate School of Coaching Training
Class 2707 - Coaching Proficiency #7: Recognizes Perfection in Every Situation
December 3, 2002 - 11:00 p.m. EST
Susan Austin, Instructor

Susan: Welcome to you all! This is class #2707; we're going to be talking about proficiency #7 and this is Susan Austin. Welcome to you all! If you need to get in touch with me, just email me at susan@coachville.com. This is the first time this class has been led as a TeleClass, more of an R&D mind-bending conversation, so any and all input you can add would be great.

I want to talk briefly about the proficiencies in general. One thing to keep in mind is first, they were just crafted earlier this year, so we're perfecting these. We took 20 years of Thomas' coaching and put it down in these 15 proficiencies; we wanted to take his vast knowledge and put it in a way for others to understand. As you start getting into these more, you'll see you can put your own interpretation and spin on them; they're what I call a '5 year play', which means it might take as long as 5 years to get the mastery of these. Not until you start using these with your clients will the long-term benefit come about, though. Some of the proficiencies are ones you've used for some time, where others may take 6 months for you to get your arms around - that's part of the process, too, and it's built into these proficiencies that some of them aren't going to be perfect for you. There's also a lot of stretch in these proficiencies no matter where you're at in your experience. Any comments on what I just said?

Valerie: A lot of this came through Thomas, but he also ran it by a lot of other coaches so it's really be vetted.

Susan: Very good; thank you for that. Okay, let's get started talking about proficiency #7. I want to talk about the theory behind this proficiency, and then we'll get more into the how-to. This proficiency exists because a lot of coaches were reacting to what their clients were bringing to them, rather than responding. Our belief is that they weren't able to recognize the perfection of the situation the client was going through, and felt the need to take them out of that discomfort. There is a perfection in what they're experiencing, and there's no need to go and stop what's happening. When you can come from this situation, you can actually stop that knee-jerk reaction. I just want to stress that the key is 'recognize' perfection and not necessarily 'share' it. Why recognize perfection? I gave you our theory, but I'd like to hear from you.

Matthew: One thing I find is that if I handle perfection, it takes a lot of the stress off of me to do something, and I can just enjoy listening to what's happening and just wait for something to happen, rather than trying to force a solution.

Yes; it frees you up to just be with the client. It actually enlarges my coaching because I can step back and see it from a larger place.

Barbara: While I've not mastered this proficiency, either, I'm using this not just with my clients but for myself too. Sometimes you have to go through something to get to the other side. I find there's great value in just letting them be where they're at.

Susan: Yes, and I love that you said you use it on yourself; that's one way you'll get better at them and they'll actually show up in your coaching as well.

XXX: I've learned that there are no accidents and no coincidences in the universe, and what I've learned in my life is that when we perceive something as bad, evil, or not okay, we set ourselves up to just shift the whole energy level of the being. This is perfect, and it's an opportunity for you to become a whole other being. That's exciting.

Susan: And that's a good place to come from; it's a pretty big place.

XXX: I've found that when I use this it's not only very validating, but where we're constantly bombarded with messages, and it's important just to be with it.

Susan: Yes, and clients will get a sense when you don't try to go in and fix them, that'll actually calm the client. Then, both of you can stop and be curious about the situation - I think that's one of the biggest benefits.

XXX: I tend to use the word 'acceptance' as opposed to 'perfection'; I do want to make a point about what I think it does in my experiences with clients. I think there's a tendency for anybody who arrives at a problem to look at how they got there. My experience is that it isn't very useful; I think problems are best solved if you get the person in the present, just looking forward as opposed to looking back. I think that really helps. Seeing the perfection is being able to leave the past alone.

Susan: Gotcha.

XXX: Getting people to that point where they can just look at the present and forward is important.

Susan: Good point; without that, you can actually get bogged down in trying to analyze how they got there, rather than just landing on the perfection of where they're at and looking forward.

XXX: Yes, and I think they tend to get focused on that. I think everyone has a fear that what got them there will keep occurring. I think Thomas' perfection principle has that issue.

Susan: Yes, and I do want to mention there is a reason that he chose the word 'perfection' - does anyone on the call have a problem with the word 'perfection'? Okay, so we have an enlightened group. We're not saying that what the client is experiencing is ideal, but there is a perfection in that situation. Again, your role as a coach is to recognize perfection; you don't have to do anything about it or share it with a client. If you do recognize it, it'll stop you from going to a solution too soon, and not get hooked into what the client is experiencing. I don't share what I see with all my clients, but some of my more 'enlightened' clients I do share that with. If this is some sign or request, what do you think that would be?

Greg: I'm getting that perfection from your point of view applies that there's an outside influence in my life. Maybe it's more accurate to say 'natural'.

Susan: I'm not sure I understand what you're saying entirely, but if it didn't happen, it wouldn't be perfect. Can you ask that question again a little differently?

Greg: Sure. Often you use the word 'perfect' to imply there's a guiding force out there, rather than just a logical outcome of the choices I've made.

Susan: I'm going to say 'yes' to both of those. Anybody else have an answer for that?

XXX: I don't have an answer, but this is the one that I don't fully understand yet, but I trust it. For me, it's not so much that they're in the situation that it's perfection, but because they're in the situation, there is perfection there. The fact is that they're in that situation, and there's going to be perfection in the emotions they feel, and so on.

Susan: I'm supposed to be making it mind-bending for you guys, not the other way around! (laugh)

XXX: You know the word 'perfect' has 13 definitions, and I think that's one of the issues we have when we talk about this word. That's one of the reasons why I use it less and less with my clients.

Susan: I hear you, and I've used the word before with clients, and I couldn't believe what a major turn-off it was. I think you can use this proficiency to its fullest without ever saying a word to the client.

XXX: And of course, it's true for any word, not just perfection.

Susan: Yes. Okay; I just want to switch and talk about the graphs for this proficiency for a moment. I think it'll help you get your arms around it. The first one is just entitled 'recognize perfection'. It's the one with 'affordability level' across the bottom and 'frame of reference' going up the side. Basically, Thomas' point here is that the trick to being empowered by challenging situations and then reorienting yourself around the situation.

XXX: Can you say a little more about affordability?

Susan: Well, the further you go to the right, the more you'll be able to keep up with client's discomfort; you'll just be coaching from such a larger place. A lot of coaches can't coach from this place because they're in the resist or deny situation.

XXX: Oh, so this is from the coach's perspective?

Susan; Yes. Then, the orb, which is the 2nd graph, is basically that there are 3 ways to recognize the perfection. He's got 3 examples there - 1st, look beyond the immediate loss, or the present, to the opportunity. One way is to look beyond that, to the horizon. The 2nd one is to discern the greater truth. A lot of what our clients bring us is the symptom, not the source.

Ed: do you find that you evolve here, or did it take a little time?

Susan: It's taken me a long time; when I first saw this one, I couldn't even be with Thomas when he talked about this because it bothered me so much. It's taken me about 6-8 months to evolve, and I'm still not into the perfection area yet.

XXX: I just wanted to add to that; I've encountered the proficiencies on many different levels, and I'm finding that each time it does sink in a little bit more. it's just one of those things you have to encounter, and keep working it until it sinks in.

Susan: Yes, sometimes you have to put it on the shelf after the call until you're ready for it. You don't have to use all 15 to coach really well for your client. Just because you haven't nailed a particular proficiency doesn't mean you can't be a great coach.

XXX: For me, one of the questions I wanted to know is that I'm noticing more and more how much I'm not doing this, and I'm wondering how you get from not being with the client to being this proficiency.

Susan: You're going to have to grow as an individual.

XXX: And I'm working on that.

Susan: And, finally, the 3rd way is to be able to be with your reactions. A lot of times, even your reactions are hampering your ability to get this proficiency right off. The more you're able to be with those reactions, the better you'll be with your client because you won't have the need to take them somewhere.

Rather than go through the other list, I'm going to do something here. I'm just going to share something that I've experienced and then maybe as a group, we can talk about what the perfection is in that. Then, we'll see how that would direct where you would take this particular client. Is that okay?

One of the things that I sometimes struggle with is that I've been working with Thomas for about a year now. Sometimes I have to make decisions during the week that aren't always in my long-term best interest, but I feel like I'm making the best decision that I can. I'm putting CoachVille, if you will, ahead of Susan as an individual. I don't know what to do about that. I'm committed to going to the gym each week, but yet when I'm in the middle of a project and it's time to go to the gym, I make a decision to stay with the project. Okay, did anything come up for anyone around that?

Greg: What went through my mind was the realization is that for people to take really good care of themselves, they have to deal with the pressures of the world. I think what'll lock that in - I can see it as an awesome way, in the long run, to take better care of you.

Susan: Okay. At first, I was thinking that you weren't fully recognizing perfection, but you are, aren't you?

Greg: Yes; I'm saying that you should stay there and keep getting frustrated because that's going to eventually push you to take really good care of yourself.

Susan: Very good point; I'm just going to re-iterate it. I actually just read somewhere about someone who used to work with relationships all the time. He would work with couples having communication problems, and after doing it for 20 years, he realized that he was causing more damage in a way, than a benefit. He was coming in at a higher level and trying to work there, and they were never able to get to rock bottom. That's what you're saying here, and I think you're absolutely right. I think I almost have to have more pain before something snaps for me. Right now I haven't hit that point. Who else?

Matthew: I had the opposite reaction of wanting to fix this for you right away. That was my question - how do you tell the difference? That was the wrong feeling; that was the non-perfection feeling.

Susan: Yes, you wanted to save me from that feeling. As coaches, we're trained to help people so it's a little bit of a paradox here that we're creating. Thanks for being honest about that, Matthew. I think as you grow through this proficiency you'll be able to do this more and more. A lot of coaches still have a hook, I think.

XXX: That's really about - I just think how we run into that, whether you're a coach or not, is interesting.

Barbara: I see myself as more of a chalkboard for my client. My reaction was relating to it on my own personal level. It's sort of - coaches are sort of reversing, and that's a painful struggle. On a subtle level, we're sort of being them through the process, and we're serving as a chalkboard. There aren't very many opportunities in our lives to get to do that because that's the intention. I think I'm just getting to understand that you just need to be with the person, not have to change it, and you don't have to say anything and you can still be supportive.

XXX: Your description of the situation immediately put me in a place of curiosity. I believe that we continue to do what we do because there's nothing more compelling. It immediately made me curious about whether you, in fact, choose the challenges, obligations, and responsibilities that serve CoachVille over yourself because you think you should go to the gym or because you really want to go to the gym. I'm wondering if it would've been too soon to go into those questions, though, and I should be just wanting to be with you.

Susan: I think it would be too soon. It does seem like you're wanting to take me out of it so I can solve this problem, rather than just being really curious and being okay with the fact that I have this dynamic going on. if I actually flush this out more with a coach, there may not be a solution in sight, and I might want to start looking at that. What's perfect about what I'm going through?

XXX: First, I immediately jumped to a solution for you, and then, I thought that this was great because you're thinking about the greater social good versus the personal good. it's really almost like it's about your personal good versus the social good; it's the age-old dilemma. You're in great company, and you may have to flip a coin.

Susan: And if I can come from that larger place, it's actually making a choice about something bigger.

XXX: And we're also talking about something mutually exclusive, when they really aren't.

Karen: My first reaction was, 'Great! How can you have both?' What I saw happening was that you had this either-or scenario in your head. Making the choice was a great choice, and working out was a great choice - is it a fix-it mode if you look at creating something where you can do both?

Susan: Yes, I think it would be recognizing perfection. It doesn't mean that you don't coach the person - that's a good question. Anyone want to jump in?

XXX: I'm hearing you coming from an embracing place.

XXX: I wonder if perfection - maybe there isn't a way to do that. Maybe one of the lines is that there may be no answer.

Susan: You just made me think that the perfection might be what a great problem to have!

XXX: When I heard you say this, I immediately relaxed because you said you were making the best decision in the moment. You life is really just a string or a series of moments, isn't it? at some point, you'll think that either it's really not the best decision or you'll realize that it's been a year of best decisions in the moments.

XXX: I guess - I don't know enough to make any decision about whether your decision is perfect, but maybe that your resistance is perfect. For me, I think I would have to talk about it more, but I did recognize perfection in the fact that you have 2 things bumping into each other.

Susan: Interestingly enough, I could work with a coach - we could take 30 minutes and try to re-design my life a little better, but there's a bigger dynamic here that I'm not getting a handle on. It's almost like there's a bigger learning for me in this dynamic than just solving it. We can either solve it or step back and look at what's going on here and work from that and solve that.

XXX: Here's another perfection in your situation - it gives us a wonderful opportunity to talk about a real situation for this class.

Susan: I'll remember that when I'm bailing out of my gym appointment! (laugh) Actually, you make a very good point. There can be a learning in almost every situation.




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