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Graduate School of Coaching Training
Class #2715 – Coaching Proficiency #15: Respects the Client’s Humanity
January 28, 2003 - 9:00 p.m. EST
Susan Austin, Instructor

Susan: Welcome to you all! This is class #2715. This is proficiency 15, respects the client’s humanity. There’s no hidden agenda here; some of the other proficiencies are hard to get your arms around, but this one is just as it seems. The theory here is that simply clients have limits and as coaches, our role is to honor and respect these limits even as we encourage them to break through them. The point of this proficiency is to protect the clients from you. Because this term might not be familiar to everyone on the call, what does it mean when you see the words ‘respects the client’s humanity’?

XXX: I see it as the client has their own belief system and has the right to be where they are.

Susan: Yes; just because they’re paying us, doesn’t mean we need to put results ahead of them personally. Who else?

XXX: It means pretty much what it says; people have their own styles and needs and we’ve got to pay attention to that.

Susan: Yeah, and it’s tricky. They’re paying us to stretch there, but there are limits to what we can do. It’s really to protect us from over-using proficiency #14, if you will. Good! What else?

XXX: I would say that it allows them their emotions to come through. They have emotions and reactions to the coaching and what’s coming up in their life, and you don’t want to stop that.

Susan: Okay; take it one step further. Permit it and what else?

XXX: To respect it.

Susan: Yes; a lot of times we push buttons, don’t we? I think your intuition plays in here; you’ll know where to back off and you’ll know if you’re doing this proficiency or not. I think most coaches know when they’re pushing the client. Is there someone that used to or still does override their clients just a bit? Anyone want to share?

Anne: What came up with me is not so much with clients, but it’s what I do to myself.

Susan: And why are you able to do it with your clients but not yourself?

Anne: That’s a very good question; I think I can be objective with my clients, but I just discovered today that one of my inherited purposes is that I’m supposed to do everything right.

Susan: Ah, gotcha! And do you think this is going to help?

Anne: I don’t know! (laugh)

XXX: I think that’s wonderful, Anne; thank you for sharing that. Sort of in that vein, it’s like for me it’s connecting with a client human to human, so there’s this compassion and understanding that I can bring – that to me is respecting our humanness together.

Susan: Yeah, it’s pretty amazing, the relationship. Anne makes a good point; I tell people that they’re just advanced communication skills, and don’t wait to use these with your clients. Then, watch how you change your perspective. One of the things that Thomas talks about applies directly to the proficiencies; humans are undergoing tremendous amounts of change – more so than at any time in history. Our physical bodies have not been able to keep up with what’s happening in our world, and that causes stress for some people. It may never catch up; it’s like an underlying current with many people. I read there’s more information in the Sunday New York Times than people had at any time in their life 100 years ago.

XXX: While you were talking, someone came to my mind. People are not machines, and that unlike a machine or computer, you can’t program a person. You can’t plan what to expect.

Susan: That’s true, and we need to be respectful and aware of that. Anyone else? Does anyone have suggestions or a different way of looking at it for corporate America?

XXX: Try sharing this proficiency with upper management! (laugh)

Vicki: This reminds me of the goose that lays the golden egg. We start focusing on the golden egg, and we lose sight of the goose. That’s kind of the humanity side of it.

Susan: Yes. You may want to – I don’t know, but you may want to use this proficiency to its fullest and understanding there may be fallout from the other side of this.

XXX: I was listening and I just think that in an organization, the end client is a human being.

Susan: Yeah, there really is no organization is what you’re saying.

XXX: Yes.

Susan: And I asked the question earlier – who overrides their clients, and no one spoke up. I wasn’t surprised, but why do you think coaches not respect clients’ humanity?

XXX: I’ll raise my hand; some of it is the personality styles. You understand people differently, and that gives you a different perspective on life.

XXX: I was going to speak up earlier, but I think that I do do this sometimes with my clients. I agree with the previous speaker, and sometimes it shows up with my clients. I have clients who are creatively oriented and they’re much more fluid. I don’t do this intentionally, but sometimes when I’m trying to make a strong point, I realize later that it was a strong push and I didn’t respect their humanity.

Susan: Okay. Do you also do it with one-on-one clients?

XXX: Oh, definitely. I guess I’m sharing this from the place of reflection after a session; if I would’ve paid more attention, I think I could’ve caught it better. I was sort of racing ahead of them.

Susan: Yeah, I do that too; I forget that not everyone is with that. There are so many concepts that we’ve been exposed to as coaches that our clients haven’t. We fall into the trap of expecting them to come along.

XXX: 1I do it as an attempt to inspire, and then lose track of people. I hate to admit that, but I get animated – sometimes it’s not a direct push, but it’s just getting ahead of them.

Susan: Yes, it may not be any one thing the coach has said, but it’s just where they’re taking the client on the call. It’s really about not staying presenting with the client, and it’s possibly also not respecting their humanity or possibly stepping on it. Needing your clients to be successful is one of the key reasons coaches struggle with it.

Ed: I sort of like to reword it and say ‘honoring the client’s uniqueness’ – it’s shading it a little to the spiritual side.

Susan: Very good point. The proficiency is like the big overriding thing that you should do, and then there are underlying skills that you could carry out. I can’t argue with that. What are some of the areas you want to start perfecting, or be looking at, if you will? We came up with 3. One is to respect their limitations. Some people are just hard-wired a certain way. Don’t assume your clients have enough RAM to deal with what you’re bringing up. Also respect their culture. When I was in London, the cultural differences really struck me; some people have some tethers where they can’t do something – they could have a cultural tether that would not allow them to do that. Any questions on that?

XXX: It would seem that this proficiency is in conflict with another one, which is introducing the client to new frameworks.

Susan: There is no proficiency with ‘frameworks’ in it; we do have the 15 frameworks that go along with this – that’s a good point. It’s almost like you have to respect their limits, if you will, even if it means less gets done on a call. I think this is actually saying that the client is more important than the results, obviously. It’s an interesting dynamic that we’re asking you to hold this proficiency and then expand the client’s best efforts at the same time.

XXX: I think it holds with proficiency #13; whatever other proficiencies you’re going to use then comes into play.

Susan: Yes, this is something that is like a program on your computer that always runs in the background. And, again, you want to speak to where the client is AT, not where you want them to become. Does anyone have the ‘Respects the Client’ graph in front of them?

XXX: I’m not sure which graph you’re talking about; I don’t have that one.

XXX: Neither do I (several voices)

Susan: Okay, I’m sorry about that. I’ll send everyone a link to that graph right after this class.

XXX: I think this proficiency exists because so many of us coach are hard-driving on ourselves and we forget that not all of our clients are hard-driving.

Susan: Yes, I think it’s part of our makeup, but not always part of our client’s makeup.

XXX: I have a client who’s an editor of a journal and has a hard time delegating; I’m pushing her to change things and she’s creating this masterful work – I’m almost missing that at times.

XXX: One particular client of mine comes to mind; I’ve been giving a lot of thought to how well I’ve been respecting the client’s humanity – I’ve been working hard to support him in his approach and not to push and to respect his needs and all the rest, but it’s consuming a lot of energy on my part to provide that support and that patience. A couple things are going on for me – while I thought I was doing such a great job of that, perhaps he has been picking up on some of the cues I’m likely projecting. My point is, that while I thought I was doing such a good job, I think we’re seeing that we’re not really respecting it unless we’re feeling that.

Susan: I’m not saying that either one of you are doing that, but there is a hint of it.

XXX: Are we saying that both situations are examples of not respecting the client’s humanity?

Susan: Well, they’re not forcing the clients, but there’s a behind-the-scenes thing that’s going on.

XXX: Are we talking about whether we’re being critical or not? Is the distinction about whether we’re being critical in our observations of the client – is that what we’re saying?

Susan: I don’t think so, but I don’t know how to better articulate it. If anything, this is the opposite of that. It’s up to us to grow and change, and it’s up to us to handle the variety of ways our clients can go.

Brenda: Isn’t it almost – I think you just have to come from this place. I think it’s about making sure we’re really clean, and that our motivation is really clean.

Susan: I would agree. I also think what helps with this proficiency is to get out of the role of being a coach. Then, you’re doing this as a partnership – it really helps keep me honest about where we’re going and then your role is to point out when the client’s not respecting their own humanity.

XXX: Is there a class on that particular topic? On practicing and learning how to be a partner with your client rather than a coach?

Susan: No, not yet, but there is now. We’re actually developing 100 or 200 hours for the School of Coaching and it should be one of the early ones – consider it added!

XXX: That’s the whole idea of collaborative, isn’t it?

Susan: I’ll also email you – Thomas came up with what he calls ‘the sweet spot’. With certain clients, the coaching will really take off, so it’s not necessarily the dynamic of the coach. The sooner you can get your clients into that ‘sweet spot’, the coaching is almost effortless and yet becomes so much more powerful and just takes off.

XXX: We were talking about limitations a while ago, and I was looking at the ’12 How To’s for Respecting a Client’s Humanity’ – I think at times we may have to teach our clients to respect their own humanity or their own limitations.

Susan: I absolutely agree. On an earlier call when we were doing the role-play, I realized that I probably wasn’t respecting my own humanity. And Thomas and I in our working relationship use this proficiency a lot. Well, we’re coming to the close here and I didn’t schedule a role-play because I had no idea what a role-play on this would look like! (laugh) I’m thinking you have a sense of this, but I’d like to hear from you guys.

XXX: I liked this class, particularly looking at it from different angles.

Susan: What did you take away?

XXX: I think when you used the word ‘compassion’ early on, that really synthesized the whole proficiency for me.

XXX: That’s my take-away; I can really relate to that compassion. When I have to be a catalyst and go through my comfort zone, that’s my challenge and that’s my take-away.

XXX: I think it’s about closing the gap between my mind and my heart; by respecting their humanity, I think it’s very close to enjoying the client immensely.

Susan: I would agree with that; there’s a lot of overlap in some of these proficiencies.

XXX: What I’m taking away is the point to get out of the role of a coach and reach a full-blown partnership – that’s what I’m aspiring to.

Susan: Very good. Who else?

XXX: I’ve been reflecting on my own integrity check. I think I need a ‘leak check’ for this, I guess! (laugh)

XXX: This was a fabulous class, and one of the pieces I got was not to put results ahead of the client’s humanity – it was very good for me to hear that.

XXX: The big thing I’m taking away is the cultural aspect. I have a couple of Chinese clients – it gave me a lot of food for thought there.

Susan: Well, thank you – this was a fabulous class! Thank you all!




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