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Graduate School of Coaching Training
Class 2710 - Coaching Proficiency #10: Shares What Is There
January 21, 2003 - 4:00 p.m. EST
Susan Austin, Instructor

Susan: Welcome to you all! This is class #2710 and this is Susan Austin. Today we're talking abut proficiency #10

There are just a couple of points I want to start the call off it. It's not a complicated proficiency; it's really straightforward. If anything, it's more of a permission-giving thing, than a proficiency to be learned. Also, a lot of these proficiencies overlap and you're not going to use every single one with every client. Just to give you the key orienting points, coaches ask how much of what they sense or feel should they share. We get this question pretty regularly, and the answer is that what you withhold costs the client. The trick is to develop yourself personally so that when you have something to share, it's about the client and not your need to share. What d yu think holds you back from sharing everything?

Michael: I'm afraid I'd be wrong.

Susan: Yes, you almost have to develop a willingness to be wrong. A lot of times, being wrong will actually be the catalyst for where the client needs to go.

Sharon: I don't want to interrupt the flow of the dialogue.

Susan: And by interrupting them, what will happen?

Sharon: They might lose the focus or the solution that they were about to come across.

Susan; So you're afraid they might lose some self-processing?

Craig: I don't mind being wrong, but I do mind being stupid.

Susan: Yes, and I think there's a solution to that; I think for me personally - I had that same fear - is to get permission up front. I don't work with any client anymore where I don't set some ground rules. It takes the pressure off me that what I share has to be life-changing or even fit what they're talking about. I also think that thinking you have to have an answer gets in the way of this. Who else?

Julia: There's maybe something I want to share, but I'm afraid I might be connecting the dots for the client.

Susan: And that's a bad thing?

Julia: I guess I want them to feel like they'll get to the end result on their own?

Susan: Oh, get rid of that! (laugh) they're paying for a service here, and sometimes if you can point out what they can't see, it's tremendously valuable. I think you should just stop and share the endpoint of what you can see for them.

Julia: Is it more valuable if it comes in the form of a question?

Susan: I think that's still manipulative. I would say don't do that. Just stop and share; clients are paying for that. They may not actually realize that's part of the agreement, but they want to know what we think.

Judy: I think this is related to what Julia said. I'm worried about the words I'm using and the tone, rather than the fact that I'm sharing something.

Susan: So this one probably goes hand in hand with proficiency 9, which is communicates cleanly. Are you saying that you want to share more things, but what stops you is not knowing how to phrase r use the correct tones so that the client can hear it?

Judy: Yes, I think so.

Susan: In a way you're playing God with them because you're determining what they are or aren't ready to hear. If you were my coach, I would want to know what you're thinking.

Okay, we touched based n this, but I want to talk more about why this is a proficiency. What do you think there is about this that's critical to the client and the coach?

Craig: in my judgment, this is the foundation of the whole thing - it's the bottom line of coaching.

Susan: Yes because if you're not ding this, you're just responding to the client. Good; what else?

Judy: I think it is why the clients are paying us.

Susan: Yes, it gives you a larger base of things to offer and you can actually put this in your marketing materials. We're saying that part f the value in a coach is that whatever comes up at the time is perfect and should be shared. You're just putting it out on the table and they can take it or not; it's not an order but sharing an idea. I want you to get comfortable to the place where you're sharing everything.

Nick: I think it would really work if we have a new client where we've never coached a person in that industry; maybe the client would help us out to focus in that industry.

Anne: One thing that's coming up for me is that to do the inkling thing, I need to be completely showing up for the client. That means I have to have complete trust in myself.

Susan: Is it trust that the inkling is going to work for the client?

Anne: It's trusting that in some way it's meaningful; just to lay it out and not do the judging.

Susan: Okay; if we're pretty sure it's going to have value, then it's probably intuition versus an inkling.

Michael: I normally don't have a problem sharing, but I'm reluctant to start it until I've established my value in prior sessions.

Susan: Okay, so you're not going to start sharing in call #1...

Michael: That's right.

Susan: I agree with you; I like to establish a rapport with my clients first, but I've noticed that the more advanced I've become, I'm starting to share a lot sooner. Let's talk about some of the things you can share. Thomas has outlined a list of 12 that I included in your handouts. Are there any questions on those?

We're not going to tell clients everything we know - sometimes clients will ask you and you don't really want to answer that directly; you can point out what you've seen work. It builds credibility for you because it points to other areas where you've had successes.

Do you guys want to do a role-play? All right, let me set it up. We'll just go around the room after the scenario and we'll see what hits with you. I want you to just share what's there; don't try to out-think this one. Any questions? Okay.

One of the things that comes under my attention is that I've been trying to look at my life from a higher level. My life is very busy and it's easy t stay down in the muck of it, and one thing that keeps coming up for me is suffering, and it's sucking some of the joy out of what I do. I think it's been there for a long time and I'm only just now becoming aware of it. I don't know what to do and I don't know where to go next. Okay, we're going to end there. Who wants to start?

Judy: I think it's a sense of appreciation for the insights you're sharing and the willingness to share something that's come up for you willingly.

Susan: That's great; some of these I'll make comments on and some of them I won't.

Craig: How did you first come to see that? It's really interesting.

Susan: And are you sharing or asking?

Craig: Good question; actually, I put it as a question but what I really wanted to say that I think it's neat that you were able to uncover that.

Susan: Very good; thank you, Craig.

XXX: I'm wondering if the event that caused you to challenge yourself has more meaning than you should give it. I'm just wondering what brought this on.

Susan: okay, you can also say it even more directly.

XXX: I think it's interesting that you used the word 'suffering' as opposed to unhappy or un-interested.

Susan: Yes, and if you were coaching me, that would be a perfectly place to hone in on what's most important; very god. Did you have a sense about why I used that word?

XXX: No, I was just sharing.

Roseanne: I just have a sense that perhaps you or your family or belief system may have strong feelings about suffering.

Susan: You mean because my mother's the biggest martyr around? (laugh) that doesn't have anything to do with it?

XXX: I'm sensing that there's darkness around this; do you feel that?

Susan: In this case, it's only when I bring it into my awareness. I generally don't think in darkness or lightness, but when I think about it, there's more of a grayness.

Nick: What I sense is that maybe you see power in your suffering; it's a driving force.

Susan: Yes, and what I haven't done is gotten to the place where I see the beauty in the suffering. I still see it as something I should get rid of.

Michael: I'm interested in why you connected 'suffering' with 'sucking the joy out of'.

Susan: Okay. There's value in just pointing that out because I didn't notice that until you pointed it out.

Jim: You said that this is probably not such a big deal, I've only become more aware of it - it's like it is a big deal and it's not a big deal.

Susan: Okay; thanks. It's funny because that f all the role-plays that I've done - and I'm going to ask you guys to answer this - there seems a lightness and easiness that's coming from you rather than some of the other proficiencies. Why is that?

Jim: I think it's because I'm not really trying; I'm just saying what I feel.

Susan: And wouldn't it be great if we could just get on our calls and just share what is there?

Anne: I think it's the one that is most ego-less; I'm not thinking that I have to pass on my learning, I'm just passing on whatever comes up for me.

Susan: Yes, one woman shared that she'll flip the inkling and share the exact opposite of whatever it is - I'm not recommending it, but I'm just sharing that for whatever it is. There's so much value in just sharing what's there for the client.

Craig: It seems to me that it's not about you, the coach. It's just a share. Does that make sense?

Susan: Yes, and there's tremendous value in not making it abut the coach at all and just having it come through you.

Judy: I wonder if we could look at this like we're stewards of it; it really takes the load off, that's for sure.

Susan: Yes, it can get it the way of the value you provide for the client. I also think - I had a thought and it's gone! All right, how do you know when you're sharing at all and not holding back?

Anne: I don't know where it's coming from; it just pops into my head.

Susan: Very good.

Nick: When I let it out, there might be a little fear behind it after I've let it out.

Susan: Because?

Nick: Maybe it wasn't the right thing.

Susan: Gotcha. So for you, that's a sign.

Nick: Right, and I'm a fairly new coach so anything that comes up right now is fear-based! (laugh)

Susan: What we're saying is that what you don't share is inventory - there's a personal price you're paying when you don't share this stuff.

XXX: Around the topic of fear - there's the idea that we share what we're hesitant to share.

Susan: Another way you'll know if you're doing this is that you'll feel complete by the end of the call. If you don't, if you feel like you should've said something, pick up the phone and call the client back. And, you'll start knowing when you're doing this because the client will be opening up more and sharing what's there for them. Thomas says this could be the #1 way to provide value. You can just tell by the role-play that we did that you guys sensed things I couldn't see all day long - huge, huge value.

Okay, what are you taking away from today?

Anne: I thought was interesting was that when I heard people sharing what they felt, I could feel something opening r closing in me.

XXX: I'm very new to coaching and this has allowed me to test my intuition and inklings.

Karen: I wanted to acknowledge the strength and courage it took for you to share that role-play. I always share what's there for me and I just never knew the value of it. This really pointed out the true value - I thought it was just something I did, and didn't realize the value it gave to the client.

XXX: I like the permission to share everything.

Michael: It validated for me some things I was doing and now know they add great value.

Juliet: The last point you were making abut feeling complete at the end of the call - that was a great benchmark, and the thought of calling the client if you noticed there was something leftover - terrific!

Susan: Thank you all; this is the first time we've led this class and I really appreciate your contributions. Thanks again and have a great afternoon!




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