TJL:    Thanks for that.

XXX:    When they talk about themselves in the same achievement.

TJL:    Wow.  Who else?

XXX:    When they're just really patronizing.

TJL:    And what would they say?

XXX:    Well, when I would say something like, "Well I'm pretty good at this" and they immediately say that I'm the best in the whole world at that. It just doesn't ring true.

TJL:    Okay, good. Thank you.

Susan:    I've seen coaches use championing to pressure me to do more, rather than being happy where I am.

TJL:    At least for a minute or two, who else?

Ann:    There are times I just don't want to listen.

TJL:    There's a certain urgency to help you believe how great you are.  Rather than coaching, they're trying to puff you up. The championing thing can be very quiet. Any other examples of what you don't like?

Ken:    Yes; someone I run into every couple of years always takes time to compliment me on something I did 20 years ago, and it bugs the hell out of me.

TJL:    The person who took that sales class for bonding. I heard from a coach recently that a person was talking about a work-in-progress and the coach said, "I can tell you are just passionate about that" - and that wasn't true at all. Passion may not fit for certain personality types. Anybody else? Okay, let's ask for a couple of volunteers. I want you to share something you're proud of. We'll then do our best to acknowledge you.

Ken:    I'm in the middle of getting my professional coach certification and I'm going to be one of the first, if not the first in Asia to do so. I've spent a lot of time in this area and worked really hard to get where I am.

TJL:    I'm trying to find out what the accomplishment is. I'm curious - what do you think the accomplishment is - that you stayed with it, or...?

Ken:    That I followed my instincts, that I stuck with it, and didn't quit when a lot of other people did.

TJL:    Is that a new thing for you, or...?

Ken:    It's just me being stubborn all the time.

TJL:    Okay, so this is one way to handle that. I could come off positive, but I was curious. I just couldn't figure out what he was proudest of. What it came down to is his stubbornness, which can be considered a negative trait sometimes. You want to get a sense of what he accomplished, not just the event. We're championing the person more than the accomplishment, that's why I did what I did. Ken, was that helpful? Be honest.

Ken:    I was a little bit puzzled about what you were going for at first, but that was really helpful about championing "the person."

TJL:    Great. Who wants to be the next one here? We need a client and a coach.

Donna:    I'll be the client.

Ken:    I'll be the coach.

TJL:    Okay, you two just start.

Donna:    I've been coaching about a year and have a light load of experience. I had a one-time coaching session this week but couldn't get where she was. By the end of 30 minutes of listening with occasional questions, I "got it."  I was so proud of myself that I "got it" and was successful in developing my coaching skills in working with this potential client.

Ken:    Is that something you've always been good at - learning things?

Donna:    Yes, I am good at that.

Ken:    How do you think that'll contribute to your success as a coach?

Donna:    It was just very encouraging that I got something.

TJL:    What does it mean to have that ability? I'd ask that, Ken.

Ken:    What does this mean to you?

Donna:    It means that I really can get what the client is calling me for in the first place and we can get some work done.

TJL:    Ken, do you feel excited for her?

Ken:    It's like there was an elevation of thoughts - she wasn't buzzing with it.

TJL:    She might have been quiet on the talking side, but I think there was a deep emotional thrill. You could tell there was a richness in her tone. There was something to pick up there, and that is to almost calibrate what you think might be exciting to what was exciting for her.

Ken:    Right. I heard her realization - I need to match that tone.

TJL:    Yes, and the realization is a huge confidence-builder. It's the thought that you can make a living at this, and that's quite significant. Just between you and me, Ken, what would you want to say to someone like that?

Ken:    I would say, "Wow, that was really significant."  It was like an evolution of thought for her.

TJL:    I'm going to give you a tip on this - here's an example, "Donna, there seems to be a moment in every coach's life where all their training comes to fruition and they actually get it.  It sounds like that time has happened for you, right?"

Donna:    I think the doorway has been opened.

TJL:    So, Ken, there's a greater truth that underlies it - I try to look at the greater scheme of life. It's a way to give the person a total understanding of how it was evolutionary for them.  You recognized it was an evolution, and you could take it a step farther to talk about how it was an evolution. Who else wants to volunteer?

Kim:    I've had a long career as a nurse practitioner; I'd also been certified as a teacher, but had never been in a classroom. It was a real stretch for me to find myself in this position.  Three years ago, I began creating curriculums. This is my third year doing this, and I was recommended by someone for an award. Although I didn't get it, just the idea that I was nominated was mind blowing.

Bob:    What was the award?

Kim:    It was as a county-wide health educator.

Bob:    So even though you didn't get the award, you felt successful in being recognized?

Kim:    Yeah.  I didn't expect it and there were a lot of people nominated for this.

Bob:    And how did that recognition translate to you?

TJL:    Bob, let's back up for a second. Are you curious as to why that happened with her?

Bob:    I think that's where I was going, but it was going to take me longer to get there.

TJL:    Okay, I'd just back off and go with the curious part.

Bob:    I'm curious as to why this was so wonderful for you?

Kim:    I think just remembering what it was like walking into my first classroom of second-graders with copy sheets of the human body not realizing they couldn’t even write yet.  Now, I've found that relating to students is very intuitive for me.  I was so excited to believe I could accomplish this.

TJL:    Just remember, Bob, part of coaching is providing the space for clients to articulate it themselves. Hearing what she just said, what are some directions you might take this?

Bob:    I thought that maybe she'd talk about other things, rather than just the nomination.

TJL:    But in the past minute, she told you a huge secret. Did you get that?

Bob:    No.

TJL:    When you give clients room to articulate, just ask the question once to get them talking.

Bob:    My interruptions kind of waylaid her?

TJL:    And they waylaid your thoughts, too. At some point, you have to stop inquiring and just be happy for her. The clue here is that you could tell how it was unfolding naturally - every single word. Okay, what did you learn from these interactions about your own championing process.

Ann:    I tend to be self-referencing. What I learned from the experience just now - I tend to ask questions and just listen, and this is the same kind of thing. We want to let them acknowledge themselves.

TJL:    Yes; people often can't acknowledge themselves unless they're prompted. Think of results as bricks. If you put in the acknowledgment, that's the mortar, and when you put the mortar around the brick, that becomes the accomplishment. Anybody else learn something?

XXX:    It was about using those simple questions to just draw it out.

TJL:    Yes, and again, the client does all the work. Whenever a client has an accomplishment, I just want them to realize it for themselves.

Bob:    I think it was a shock to me for her to be so clear about what she was talking about. I felt compelled to find something...

XXX:    It was so clear because it is so rare.

Bob:    Maybe so, but I think it says that there will be some days when silence is the real key to the championing.

TJL:    I think over the years, a great percentage of people have been sharing with me what they've accomplished.

Sue:    I'd like to hear from Kim how this was for her.

Kim:    It was great to hear that you were all excited for me. You don't know me, and rather than feeling like it was made up, it felt so real.

TJL:    We have time for one more; otherwise, we'll be completing this segment.

Ken:    I think what I really learned was about championing what was already there, a profound moment and a significant event.

TJL:    That's great; beautiful. Anybody else?

XXX:    At the beginning you said you champion the client in three different ways, but I don't know that I've heard being awed about their willingness.

TJL:    I'm just thrilled that you brought that up! If someone would share something with me, I'll be happy to demonstrate it.

Valerie:    Okay, I will. One thing that I feel really good about is that I put music away for about 10 years, and in the last year and a half, I brought my guitar back out. Now I'm composing and it's just so energizing for me.

TJL:    Wow. How did that come about?

Valerie:    I always wonder what kept it under for ten years, and why it's different now that I've brought it back out. It's a pretty big deal.

TJL:    And what prompted the whole thing?

Valerie:    I think just realizing life was short.  I decided I was going to have to just start doing things for the joy of them. That's really different for me.

TJL:    And the willingness to not do it perfectly was a part?

Valerie:    A big part. I think I was saving it until I could do it really well, and that doesn't work.

TJL:    Is that carrying forward in other areas too?

Valerie:    Yeah.

TJL:    Thanks Valerie. There's a certain willingness, but I might not be able to point to it. Thanks for the contributions; everyone have a great afternoon!