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Transcript of Training Call
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crafted)
Coaching Proficiencies
Proficiency #3 - Elicits Greatness
March 25, 2002 - 3:00 p.m. EST
Thomas Leonard, Session Leader
TJL: Hello; who's joined us? (participants check in). This is Thomas
Leonard, along with Susan Austin, and about 10 of our graduate school coaches. We're going
to talk about the 3rd coaching proficiency. I'm going to start out by reading what we've
written on this, then make a few comments, do some role plays, and then answer questions.
I want to say a couple of things - we make this assumption of greatness in all of us. A
story I tell about this - some people get confused about greatness. Some people put legacy
in front of greatness. I think legacy is a by-product of that. I kept wrestling with
the notion of life purpose, and finally gave up the whole gig. The whole greatness thing,
without the ego, is what we're talking about here.
Susan: And I've found with a lot of my clients, I'm probably the only
one who points out their greatness.
TJL: And do you know why that is?
Susan: I don't know - we're not quick to point out greatness, but we're
sure quick to point out faults or flaws.
TJL: I think coaches are uniquely structured to talk about greatness.
There are 3 things - one is to ask for a bigger game; sometimes our lives aren't set up
for that, so we choose a goal that we can support, when we're really built to come up with
a much bigger game. Also, a lot of us are busy, and we don't always have the space to set
targets that are much bigger. Additionally, we all have a set point, or governor, or glass ceiling
of what we think we can accomplish in a lifetime. That seed may not sprout while you're
coaching the client, but I think we can make sure it gets properly watered, gets sun, and
fertilizer so it will sprout at some time. It can make such a long- term difference. It's
not really a demand or formal request, but we're just asking them, and seeing if they're
interested. Most of us really will respond to the challenge.
The second way is to ask for much higher standards. These are kind of personal - they're
about the individual, rather than the outcome. Whenever I see a client doing sloppy work
or making a half-hearted attempt, I ask them how high their standards need to be before
they feel proud of themselves. They almost always deserve to be higher. When a person has
higher standards, people feel proud of themselves.
The 3rd approach is asking them to eliminate, to get to the state of "absence of," things
that are bringing them down. A lot of us have helium, we're ready to go and fly our
balloon, but have tethers that are still holding us down.
Susan: Can you give an example of what that would look like?
TJL: Yes - women for the past 30 or 40 years. They've been built to be
successful and contributory, but have been held back because of cultural norms. Look at
some other cultures where women are coming out from behind the veil. Another one might be
someone who is distracted - they have so many things going on, they don't have time to
invest in the one thing that will make them great.
Susan: Thanks.
TJL: So now, we're going to be asking you - pick something you're
working n personally, that you think you're working on personally but don't think you're
doing that
great on, and you want some help with. Maybe you're someone who has a goal that's
overwhelming and somebody needs to encourage you to step up to the plate.
Sue: I'm working on a book and website. My position is having trouble
taking the time to do it.
TJL: Which of the 3 should we talk about?
Sue: I think it's more about elimination.
TJL: And what do you want to go away?
Sue: A volunteer job. I know what brings me joy is what's important.
TJL: What's the thing you want to be great?
Sue: A book.
TJL: On what subject?
Sue: Ninety-nine ways to use the pendulum, or dousing.
TJL: So what's holding you back - fear, time or money?
Sue: It's time and money.
TJL: And why the money?
Sue: Not honoring myself for who I am and what I do.
TJL: And what does that mean?
Sue: I give away my skills and talents.
TJL: So you're getting your needs met by volunteering - is that why you
do it?
Sue: Yes.
TJL: So, do you have any concern about this project?
Sue: No. It's been transcribed from a speech I gave, but I haven't
written it yet. I just need time to get my arms around it.
TJL: What I've learned from my clients is that sometimes a project is
daunting and scary, and we'll sometimes find anything we can do to get away from it, we'll
do. The more scary the project is, the more resistance and fear we'll find to bring up
around it. So, just remember, it's normal.
Sue: Okay.
TJL: It's probably a path you've been on for a while, and you like it
and want other people to know about it, but there's this huge chasm between that and
getting the book written. Do you know why?
Sue: No.
TJL: I don't exactly either, but the one thing that sometimes tends to
be true is that it's a long way from knowing something, believing in something, and then
articulating it in such a way that other people will find it useful.
Sue: Yes.
TJL: It took me almost 20 years to feel comfortable articulating the 15
coaching proficiencies. Until I had those, I was doing my best to train coaches but it
didn't come very easy. Now, I have more self-confidence and was able to articulate that.
I'm wondering if you're in the same spot.
Sue: Yes, I think I am.
TJL: If you can find better ways to articulate it for people…
Sue: Some people think of this as voodoo, and I'd like to bring it back
to reality. Some people think it's other world or outer space…
TJL: So you think those words aren't the best ones?
Sue: Yes, exactly.
TJL: So you're trying to language those things. You may know a lot about
it, but there may be levels about it that you don't comprehend. I have a feeling that
there may be levels of awareness around what you know that haven't been explored yet. I
would think that having others to give the concepts back to you they way they heard and
understood them may give you the new language you're looking for.
Sue: Yes; I think setting up an R&D team is a great idea. I think
it's a great project, and I don't want people to laugh at it - I want it taken seriously.
TJL: Of course. They're going to help you by giving you some real-world
language. You're going to be in the training mode, but also in the learning mode. I would
say that it's almost impossible for you to write this book without the extra level of
experimentation.
Sue: That's great; that's what I want.
TJL: Okay, we'll stop there. What did we do that was useful to you?
Sue: You got me to see a much bigger picture.
TJL: It's almost like you're the sun and this project is one of the
planets. I'm saying let's make this the center of the universe so everyone can revolve
around it. Right now, you're the limiting factor. What's helped me is the thought that
nothing worth doing is worth doing alone. It was never your idea in the first place;
either God gave it to you or someone gave it to you 50 years ago, or whatever. Our role is
simply to shine the light on it.
Susan: I noticed too, that this proficiency call is on 'greatness', and
in this case, it's not making the person great, but you're focusing the greatness on the
project.
TJL: Yes; again, some of these projects take on a life of
their own. When
that project reaches the critical mass stage, it feeds energy to the deliverer. It begins
releasing energy.
Bob: A couple things I thought about as you were going through this -
there was something about the R&D team that you wrote somewhere else; it was about
almost disregarding negative feedback, and focusing on the positive comments.
TJL: She's going to have to let it go out there in the world and let it
get even more criticism to help it be properly tuned. She's giving it a chance to get out
there with the R&D team; she wants to begin supporting it, rather than holding on to
it.
Mary Jo: I'm having a real 'a-ha' about this. I have so much information inside
of me and don't know where to go with it. I've been assuming I have to hold on to it. This
is so powerful.
TJL: Remember, our ideas are first appendages, but then they become the
center of a universe and things revolve around them. It's a different skill for people to
develop. It also takes the ego out of me being great. Anybody else?
Harry: After I went to the conference, I decided I needed to create an
R&D team. As I heard you, it seems like it's almost a wonderful magic trick that takes
my attention off the project, and on to something that's going to make the project easier.
TJL: Yes! It's almost like we should suffer the pain ourselves! Anyone
else?
Susan: Let's do another role play.
TJL: Do you want to volunteer?
Susan: No, my self-confidence couldn't handle it.
Harry: I'm creating a project that's the biggest thing I've ever done -
it's a monastery for gay men. This is a place where you can be honest about yourself.
TJL: So would they be monks?
Harry: Yes.
TJL: Would it be a religious order, or a religious practice?
Harry: It is actually a religious order I established called the
Brothers of Mercy. I actually held a conference a year and a half ago, and 3 men chose to
join. We moved to upstate New York where there is a center we can use as the monastery.
The monastery I set up has imploded, and 2 of the 3 men left. Right now, I'm the only one
living here and want to find a way where it's accessible to more men.
TJL: What's really great about it?
Harry: I've been working for the last 10 years with the gay male
population; there's such a desire to be taken seriously, and there's virtually no support
within the traditional religious organizations. There are amazing new depths of learning
to be had.
TJL: The monastery is kind of an old-fashioned, geocentric structure -
what makes that great to use in today's age?
Harry: For people who chose to live here, they would be supporting those
who come here to get in touch with their spiritual life.
TJL: So is it more like a monastery or an ashram?
Harry: It's actually based on St. Benedict, which is an old idea.
TJL: Okay, forgive me, but what's great about it?
Harry: Well, the world doesn't take them seriously and most gay men
don't take themselves seriously either - I don't know which comes first. I want to have a
place where men believe in their greatness, and I want it to be a place with tremendous
energy and powers of spiritual healing.
TJL: When you say they don't take themselves seriously, what does that
mean?
Harry: Well, when you look at magazines, they reflect the abject
material-ness of our society. We don't take ourselves seriously, and the rest of the
population doesn't.
TJL: And why does that matter to you?
Harry: I have met thousands of men over the last 10 years - they've been
saying why doesn't somebody make a place where we could live like this all year?
TJL: You've been working on it for 2 years; have people been coming to
visit?
Harry: People have been coming to visit, but it's all pretty much
collapsed.
TJL: Because they didn't stay long enough, or there wasn't enough money
to cover the bills?
Harry: Because they didn't stay long enough.
TJL: Can you run it by yourself?
Harry: Yes, I'm living in the retreat center, but I'm by myself.
TJL: Again, I don't want to get too much in the details - my approach to
things is that chaos is a beautiful thing. I would rather create the problem of having too
many people coming in a short period of time, rather than worrying about making it viable.
Harry: I agree with you.
TJL: And the greatness, in my opinion, would be to have as many people
play in the way they want to as you can hold. That may not be the way you define it. If
you look at what makes things great today is the number of people who can play. Numbers
speak very, very loud today. Is your challenge now then to invite 100 people to come up
during June?
Harry: No, this is a retreat center, and my challenge is to have 600-800
men to come through here this summer. I don't know what is going to happen, and it may
change and evolve.
TJL: Can I ask you a question?
Harry: Yes.
TJL: What would the greatness in this center be for you?
Harry: I have the sense of being a bush in the wind. I want to be famous
for being flexible.
TJL: Good - and that's a different way of being. I asked the question
because I hear a certain determination, a sense of righteousness, and I think people want
to be attracted to the absence of that. There's just a certain style and freedom that the
population wants. They may want to be a part of creating it, rather than wanting it
structured for them.
Harry: Well, I'm convinced that this would be great for an R&D team.
TJL: Anything that I did that was helpful?
Harry: What was helpful was that you were honest about what you were
hearing in my intensity - that whole area. I laugh because you told the truth. I enjoyed
being discovered like that, and I'm more convinced, from this experience, that I'm going
to have a team put together.
TJL: Great. It's great for me that Harry is shifting so significantly in
his approach to things. That may be a catalyst for the project. My guess is that the next
project he picks will escalate to success much more quickly.
XXX: It was like a snake shedding its skin, him shedding his
requirements and just letting it be.
TJL: Great; thank you. This falls into the category of asking for an
absence of something. He had a very big game in mind, but there was something in the way
of this occurring. Anybody else?
Bob: That was reinforced by the fact that there were things tethering
him down and not allowing him to get anywhere.
TJL: Yes - the game was big enough, but often people with that level of
passion have a need to control. It's a huge change for anyone who believes so much in a
particular topic. Anybody else learn something?
Heidi: What I learned was that greatness occurs when you are willing to
open up to the conversation - you didn't seem to have an agenda, you just wanted to learn
more about the topic.
TJL: Yes - I just navigated by curiosity; that helped moved the
conversation forward. By being exposed to these 15 conversations we're going through over
the next 2 weeks, you'll just naturally tend to use the right one at the right time.
Harry, thank you - great example. Everyone, have a great afternoon.
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