|
Transcript of Training Call
 (from which transcript was
crafted)
Coaching Proficiencies
#2 - Reveals the Client to Themselves
March 25, 2002 - 2:00 p.m. EST
Thomas Leonard, Session Leader
TJL: Welcome to the call; who's joined us? (participants check in) This
is Thomas Leonard, along with Susan Austin, along with about 20-25 graduate students.
We'll start with a few comments, do some role plays, and then answer some questions.
Again, I'm going to read the description of this (reads description from 15 point list)
Basically, this comes down to 3 things; we're going to educate the client on who they are,
how they operate, and where they come from. Again, most clients don't come to us asking
for this. I have a quick story I like to tell. Dave Buck is a senior trainer at CoachVille
and brand expert. He's a very positive, enthusiastic person and always thought that was
the norm. Those things we take for granted can become the basis for a business, a source
of true happiness and so on. We also want to identify their values and needs, and the
parts of them.
The next thing is we want to educate our clients on how they operate; we want the client
to understand better how they operate. Finally, we're going to talk about where they're
coming from. We want to help them know the paradigm in which they're operating. We also
want them to understand that some of the assumptions they made in life might need to be
changed because they're old or old-fashioned.
There's kind of an approach I recommend you take; rather than tell the client, use more
introductory or softer approaches to get them to find these things out for themselves. The
way I phrase it is, 'I wonder if….' Or 'Have you considered…..?' It's a better
way of doing it rather than trying to tell the client who they are. It doesn't say label
the client or inform the client, it's 'reveal' to the client.
Now, I'd like to demonstrate this a bit; if you're a client where there's a bit of
confusion about the process or the priorities - it can be positive or negative. Anyone
willing to play with me on this?
Bob: I'm a beginning coach and have a background in helping the public.
I'm not sure about my skill levels and what I have to bring to coaching. I wonder if you
could help me tease out what my skills are.
TJL: I'm curious as to why this is coming up.
Bob: I think I should be prepared to answer this if a client asks.
TJL: Okay, good. We'll get into that. Besides the things you can do for
people, I'm curious to hear about you - who you are.
Bob: I think I have a god understanding of people, I think I'm a god
listener, I think I communicate well with people, respect people and like people.
TJL: That's a good start. Why do you think you're a good listener?
What's the evidence you have?
Bob: I think sometimes I'm just silent; I let them finish their
thoughts. They want a response.
TJL: And is that something you've found works pretty well?
Bob: Definitely. Sometimes people just want to know you're listening.
TJL: And a lot of other folks just jump in too fast?
Bob: I think so.
TJL: And this is a fairly specific way you'll be adding value to your
clients. Would you tell them that?
Bob: I think I'd rather show them.
TJL: I'd like to take this a step further. What you're talking about is
a specific approach to communication. I might make it one of the top 3 or 4 things you
provide to your clients. I think, on the brochure, if you will, I'd mention it. For
example, you might say, 'one of the things my clients like is that I'm fairly patient and
give them a lot of room to talk. Clients of mine who are creative people or who like to
work out their own problems like that.' I think it's a bigger deal than you're giving
yourself credit for. Let's stop there - what do you think was good for you?
Bob: I like the way you, rather than just saying it's one of my talents,
put it right up at the top.
TJL: Who else learned something from what I did with Bob?
Dinah: Well, Bob being a fairly new coach, I sense that what you
provided him with a lot of confidence, even though it was unspoken.
TJL: You know, when I work with Bob, I want him to know that his way of
communicating could be one of those service points. That then gives him more confidence to
identify other points. Who else?
XXX: Very early in the interaction, Bob told you what he wanted to work
in, and rather than just jump in and trying to work on the first thing he said, you asked
a lot of questions about himself.
TJL: I like to have that extra room to work - I'm glad that you noticed
that.
XXX: I liked listening to Bob and his comments about being a good
listener because I've kind of thought that abut myself but was afraid to really say it;
thank you, Bob!
XXX: You put language around being a good listener to put it back on the
client. I thought that was great.
Bob: I've done my list of 20 things I have to provide, but listening
wasn't on my list - I think that was really helpful.
TJL: And that's what coaches do; we're trained to pick up on those
nuggets and put them in the forefront. Anybody else? Okay, let's go with another example.
Let's go with someone who's facing a problem or concern and may be frustrated about that.
Donna: I have a client who works in HR in a large Wall Street firm and
is not happy there. She says she'd like to do something else, but then the next week, she
wants to stick with it because she's comfortable there.
TJL: What causes her to want to make the change? She runs hot and cold,
right?
Donna: She's never really happy in the job she's at, but she almost
feels trapped because she doesn't have the self-confidence to go elsewhere. She likes the
work itself if she didn't have to deal with the company and the people.
TJL: Oh, great - we'll solve that in 20 minutes! (laugh) So, you're not
the happiest puppy in the job, but I'm just curious - are you operating in the comfort
zone where you don't want to make a change?
Donna: I really do want to make a change, but I'm making good money here
and don't have the time to look into other things. I don't get out of the office until 7
or 8 at night.
TJL: Are you working as hard as everyone else, or are you just putting
in long hours?
Donna: Everyone works late here; there's a woman that practically lives
here.
TJL: Are you the first or last to leave?
Donna: Somewhere in the middle.
TJL: Some people aren't happy in their job, but are you - it sounds like
you're willing to stay where you are, even though it's not the best possible situation.
Donna: It's familiar; I know the work, I know the people. It's not easy
work, but it's easy to stay.
TJL: So familiarity and comfort are pretty important?
Donna: Yes.
TJL: So how come we've been focusing on this?
Donna: I want to make a change, but I guess I'm afraid to make a change.
TJL: Are you generally afraid of making changes of this magnitude?
Donna: Yes.
TJL: I don't push my clients to do anything that they can't wait to do.
If there's not a need or compelling opportunity, I ask the client to pick a topic that we
can work on together. Got anything in mind?
Donna: Probably the whole confidence issue.
TJL: Because right now it waivers?
Donna: I feel if I had more confidence I would be able to make the
changes I need to make in my life and my work.
TJL: And have you ever been a confident person?
Donna: Maybe, but not for a long time.
TJL: Have you been to a therapist and talked about it?
Donna: I'm seeing a therapist now.
TJL: And you're talking about this?
Donna: No, more about my home issues.
TJL: In many cases it's a muscle to be developed, rather than a problem
to be solved. I'm curious, though, why you'd like to have that. There's got to be a
compelling reason to have self-confidence. I'm just curious, is the payoff going to be
substantial for you?
Donna: I think it would be.
TJL: Because….?
Donna: Because the situation is getting worse and worse, and it's almost
becoming too painful.
TJL: At home or at work?
Donna: Some of both.
TJL: All right; is there one area we could start with over the next 90
days and actually build self-confidence in one unique area.
Donna: I'd like to be able to stand up to that one woman in my office.
TJL: Because you feel like a doormat in that area?
Donna: Yes.
TJL: So what should we call this project?
Donna: Knocking her down.
TJL: Okay - so you're just feeling like a wimp?
Donna: Yes.
TJL: Okay, let's call it the 'Wimp-free Project'. One thing I want to
make sure is okay with you - I usually like to do with clients in this situation is to ask
the client to master the craft you have and do your work impeccably. Sometimes confidence
factors get taken care of when you're doing an awesome job. When it's truly extraordinary
work, a lot of this stuff disappears - the confidence, the wimpy-ness thing, and so on. is
that something you're interested in working on?
Donna: Okay; I think I can do that.
TJL: Okay; let's stop there. Because of the psychological issues, I
didn't quite do this the way I thought I would, but there was still some good stuff here.
What did you learn from the process, Donna?
Donna: I think it's important for her to come to a decision as to
whether what she says she wants, she wants. Perhaps, approaching it from what would excite
you enough to make you go for it is a good way to work through it.
TJL: My guess is that she's frustrated and takes it out on her work a
little bit. People have different levels of integrity; if I don't do one thing right, it
harms my entire day. Some people that are tired, resigned and frustrated, no one's raised
their standards by challenging them.
Donna: I think that would work with her really well. Thank you.
TJL: Great; anyone else learn something from this?
Mary Jo:
It was great that you showed her who she was, but there was no judgment
around it. I thought that was masterful.
TJL: Because she went with this whole self-confidence thing. It's almost
like it was a non-personal thing. People respond well t that because it's not a criticism
- it's just a description. You can't really fix self-confidence by working at it directly.
XXX: You just brought it back to her; she was looking at it as the
company and the environment.
TJL: That wouldn't get her very far. Again, the problem with many
employees is that they're stuck in a job and they're frustrated. They blame other people
for other things, and so on. Other stuff becomes a sign of that. Anybody else?
Bob: Even though it came up a couple of times - the possibility she
might leave that job - the things you recommended to her had nothing to do with that. If
she left the job, she'd still have the same problem.
TJL: We want them to resolve this problem, once and for all, for the
rest of their life. Again, the evidence was 6 weeks they'd been talking about it, no
action has been taken - reality speaks well in this case, and it was time to take a
different tack.
Bob: My social work background causes me to wonder what she's told the
therapist.
TJL: We'll never know. All I can do is focus on what I think is
valuable, and that may improve the quality of the relationship with other professionals.
Susan: How do you know she's not doing her best work there? Many people
do a good job, but don't think they're doing good work themselves.
TJL: Excellent point - we don't know. I could and should have asked her,
and I didn't. For someone with low self-esteem, often a co-worker winds up being a
doormat. It could go your way as well.
Maria: I heard her say a few times that she doesn't have time to make
the changes; would getting additional control over her time help her with her confidence?
TJL: Well, when someone brings up time, it's almost a red herring. It's
that hers is being taken up with the big, bad job thing. I also picked up that she's
probably behind in her job, or something's not very efficient. People don't get tired from
work - they get tired from not doing perfect work. I think it's not about time at all, but
about energy.
Donna: Even if you're doing perfect work, if you have that wimpy
attitude at work, you're still not doing perfect work.
TJL: There's a certain positive energy that's released when the person
is doing an extraordinary job. Until that standard is met, there isn't this pride or
self-esteem that comes from doing positive work.
Susan: You have a lot of experience in working with a variety of
clients, so you come from a place where you can dig out the root of this easier. I'm just
wondering, for those of us who have this as a new concept, can you help us?
TJL: That's one reason we're doing so many examples. I think over the
next couple of years, we'll build a real database of examples. A way to handle this
universally - remember, the source of the problem is almost never what the client says it
is. I come from that place, and that way, I'm always interested and intrigued as to what
it really is. Right now, she's coming from the place that there's no solution, and I think
there is. Does that help, Susan?
Susan: Yes it does.
Bob: So you're saying that you're not also just giving your opinion as a
coach, but you're also educating them on their problem?
TJL: I want to educate if I can - the thing is to reveal the client to
themselves. We're asking for revelations to occur, and that's important. We also use these
generic factoids to help them. Did that answer your question?
Bob: I think it does. I like the part about 'revelation'. The client has
to go away with a picture of what the problem is.
TJL: There are almost always layers; it doesn't matter who comes up with
it, but the important thing is to peel away the layers.
XXX: I just want to commend Donna on a great role play.
Donna: I just got off the phone with her.
TJL: Great; anybody else? So, one thing we really didn't talk about much
is where the person is coming from. We assume certain things in life - I'm guessing that
high-quality work will be the solution to this problem. Any final thing that you learned
on this? Very good - thank you all for contributing.
|
|
