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Nugget/Lesson
#8
Absence of you (Part II)
Copyright 2001 by Thomas J.
Leonard. No duplication. All rights reserved.
"When you have nothing to lose, you can afford to be
transparent."
--Thomas J. Leonard
How does one become transparent, without giving
up all that they are?
Geez, that's a very big question...
I'll do my best to answer it...
1. Stop seeking approval, acknowledgement, validation, reinforcement,
agreement, respect, appreciation, self worth or self esteem from anyone
for any reason.
Draconian for sure. But all are fairly expensive sources of
energy and indicate unmet needs. Find motivation/energy from other
sources or internally. The transparent person doesn't need much
energy at all. Their systems are highly, highly efficient. Think
of those plants that live just on air vs needing soil, water and
fertilizer.
2. Stop trying to impress anyone for any reason.
This means to stop dropping names, showing how smart you are, being
pretentious, being snobby, having attitude, buying brands for the ego of
it, supporting a lifestyle designed to impress, having a multitude of
initials after your name, trying to hard, presenting yourself as someone
important, talking about how much you paid for something, talking about
how many vacations you take, etc.
In other words, stop talking about yourself.
3. Give up any notion that you're an expert at anything.
You may, in fact, be an expert. But experts don't say they are
experts. Experts are too busy learning and staying ahead of the
curve. I've been coaching for 19 years and I've never said
"I'm an expert coach" or "I'm at expert at
that." Rather, I say, "Perhaps I can help you with
that." And believe me, I'm NOT a humble person. As
Golda Meir said, "Don't be humble; you're not that
great." Words I live by.
4. Be interested instead of interesting.
Seek to learn and discover. That'll keep you clean and safely
away from the impression management process.
5. Live well above the mundane matters of life.
Mundane matters of life? The person who cuts in front of you
on the freeway, the person who steals your wallet, the client who never
pays you, the opinions that people have about you, bill paying, filing,
the gossip in which others engage, and the home, money and business
stresses that others seem to thrive on (their being both the arsonist
and the fireman). Find something more compelling to do with your
time. Doing so will raise you to a higher place where there is
less weight/gravity. Think of a jet flying at 40,000 feet.
Once they are up there, these use a lot less jet fuel because there is
less atmospheric pressure/resistance and very few storms. Live
there.
6. Stop letting risk and fear limit your life experience.
What if I make a mistake? What if they leave me? What if
I try something and it doesn't work out? What if I don't measure
up? What if, what if, what if... What's the connection
between this one and being transparent? Because if you are afraid
of losing something, you'll either over protect it or won't leverage
it. I'm not suggesting that you take dumb risks. What I am
suggesting is that you mitigate the risks in front of you so that you
can afford the consequences of taking more risks.
7. Lighten up how you learn.
There is a key distinction between acquiring information and
learning. I can always identify an information addict during a
TeleClass, not because they ask a lot of questions, but because they are
very intense about how they ask the questions. They need to get it
right; they need to understand. They are driven more by the need
to not get it wrong, than the joy of experiencing the information right
then and there.
8. Have very few needs, financial or otherwise.
I believe that it's quite possible to reduce the number of needs you
have to a point where you are fully nourished yet without a constant
input of stuff that meets your needs. I wish I could articulate
this better. All I can say is that either my needs have diminished
or my ability to get them met 'in the background' has increased
significantly.
9. Simplify your life, perhaps dramatically.
Simple is where it's at today. Because simple means
sustainable. Simple means easy. Simple means flexible.
Simple means manageable. Simple means choices. When life is
complicated, it requires a certain amount of time to
manage/protect/coordinate it. This adds pressure for most people
and pressure isn't transparent even if you handle it well, because
you'll need to find ways to restore yourself on a regular basis, which
itself is expensive.
10. Stop needing outcomes.
Goals are fun. Outcomes are wonderful.
Final comments
The above 10 strategies are fairly severe and unless you want to become
an ascetic, they may not be appealing. But they are worth
considering and perhaps experimenting with. After all, evolution
is based on two things: Constant experimentation and the living in
environments that stimulate you in unexpected ways.
The Absence Of program provides ample opportunities for both.
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