Nugget/Lesson #7
Absence of you (Part I)
Copyright 2001 by Thomas J. Leonard.  No duplication.  All rights reserved.

"If only there was a personal version of Windex, so that we could be as transparent as our windows are."
--Thomas J. Leonard

I've always marvelled at the fact that something as transparent as glass can be made from something as opaque as sand.  Or that something as clear as a plastic bottle can come from something as black as oil.

Miracles, really.  And they give us hope that perhaps we humans can also become transparent in our own way, to let in the light, yet while protecting us from the elements.

What does transparent refer to?

Here are the dictionary definitions for transparent:

1. Capable of transmitting light so that objects or images can be seen as if there were no intervening material. 
2. Clear.
3. So fine in texture that it can be seen through; sheer. 
4. Easily seen through or detected.
5. Free from guile; candid or open: transparent sincerity. 

And here are the coaching definitions for transparent:
1. Available to others.  Nothing unavailable.
2. Absence of pretense or guile. No one to impress.
3. Non consumptive of energy, people or environments.  Nothing expensive.
4. Lightness of style, communication.  Nothing is heavy.
5. Highly flexible, responsive.  Nothing is gripped/rigid.

Some of the participants in the Absence Of program have selected a variation of the Absence Of You focus.  Some participants are going for absence of loud, or absence of ego or absence of neediness.  And even a couple are thinking about going for it all:  Absence of You.

What exactly does Absence Of You mean and why would this be a good thing?

Here are the basic points I would like to make about Absence of You...

1.  The you we're talking about here is the stuff that I'll refer to as 'identity.'  Ego stuff, basically, meaning the hard shell everyone had to create just to get through the rearing process, or to become successful or even to just become a functioning adult.  Think training wheels.  It's the stuff, trappings, add ons that were necessary at one point in your life, but that are no longer needed, yet are still present.  Training wheels are great when you're first learning how to find your balance, but after you learn you balance, training wheels definitely get in the way of your bike riding experience because you can't lean into the turns if you've got training wheels in the way.  So, part of the focus of Absence of You can be to identify that stuff about you that is no longer needed and that, in fact, gets in your way. 

2. I believe it is quite possible to living a very, very rich life, and yet be no one, a nobody and completely irrelevant in life.  Striving to become someone, even just to become 'yourself.' is fairly consumptive.  Not everyone will agree with me on this one, that's for sure.

3. I believe it's quite possible to be full of personality and yet be 100% transparent meaning that your personality or style doesn't prevent others from being totally in touch with you.  And that they aren't crowded out of the room by your personality/communication style.  In other words, to be a vibrant person without consuming the room.

How does one become transparent, without giving up all that they are?

See Part II of this lesson, coming tomorrow.


END

Nugget/Lesson #7
Absence of you (Part I)
Copyright 2001 by Thomas J. Leonard.  No duplication.  All rights reserved.

"If only there was a personal version of Windex, so that we could be as transparent as our windows are."
--Thomas J. Leonard

I've always marvelled at the fact that something as transparent as glass can be made from something as opaque as sand.  Or that something as clear as a plastic bottle can come from something as black as oil.

Miracles, really.  And they give us hope that perhaps we humans can also become transparent in our own way, to let in the light, yet while protecting us from the elements.

What does transparent refer to?

Here are the dictionary definitions for transparent:

1. Capable of transmitting light so that objects or images can be seen as if there were no intervening material. 
2. Clear.
3. So fine in texture that it can be seen through; sheer. 
4. Easily seen through or detected.
5. Free from guile; candid or open: transparent sincerity. 

And here are the coaching definitions for transparent:
1. Available to others.  Nothing unavailable.
2. Absence of pretense or guile. No one to impress.
3. Non consumptive of energy, people or environments.  Nothing expensive.
4. Lightness of style, communication.  Nothing is heavy.
5. Highly flexible, responsive.  Nothing is gripped/rigid.

Some of the participants in the Absence Of program have selected a variation of the Absence Of You focus.  Some participants are going for absence of loud, or absence of ego or absence of neediness.  And even a couple are thinking about going for it all:  Absence of You.

What exactly does Absence Of You mean and why would this be a good thing?

Here are the basic points I would like to make about Absence of You...

1.  The you we're talking about here is the stuff that I'll refer to as 'identity.'  Ego stuff, basically, meaning the hard shell everyone had to create just to get through the rearing process, or to become successful or even to just become a functioning adult.  Think training wheels.  It's the stuff, trappings, add ons that were necessary at one point in your life, but that are no longer needed, yet are still present.  Training wheels are great when you're first learning how to find your balance, but after you learn you balance, training wheels definitely get in the way of your bike riding experience because you can't lean into the turns if you've got training wheels in the way.  So, part of the focus of Absence of You can be to identify that stuff about you that is no longer needed and that, in fact, gets in your way. 

2. I believe it is quite possible to living a very, very rich life, and yet be no one, a nobody and completely irrelevant in life.  Striving to become someone, even just to become 'yourself.' is fairly consumptive.  Not everyone will agree with me on this one, that's for sure.

3. I believe it's quite possible to be full of personality and yet be 100% transparent meaning that your personality or style doesn't prevent others from being totally in touch with you.  And that they aren't crowded out of the room by your personality/communication style.  In other words, to be a vibrant person without consuming the room.

How does one become transparent, without giving up all that they are?

See Part II of this lesson, coming tomorrow.


END