The 1st step is to identify the compelling reason to become perfect. Until you know why it's compelling for you, it may not see that as interesting or intriguing. When I first went through this process and the designed the course, the compelling reason for me was that there would be more available to me if and when I become a perfect person. There's no should to any of this; in fact, we use the word would a lot. Again, step 1 is to identify the compelling reason or benefit.

Susan: For a lot of us, I feel like I've been working on this my whole life; this seems like it's going to be another 25 things I have to come up with.

TJL: And why is that upsetting?

Susan: In the last 6 months, I've realized I'm perfect just the way I am, and now you're asking me to crank it up another notch and start all over again.

TJL: Welcome to the world of coaching! (laugh) Seriously, I suggest you not start this until it's very appealing to you; again, it's an option. Does that answer your question at all?

Susan: Yes, thank you.

TJL: Dave, is there a compelling reason for you to become a perfect person?

DB: I'm a bit reacting to this the way I first thought about a perfect life - I'm a bit of a slow adopter, but what occurs to me is that if you work this process, you'll be all that you could be. There's this thing about having potential…

TJL: And potential and hope kind f live together, don't they?

DB: Yes, and if you just get rid of your potential and just be all that you can be. I think the important point is that it's perfection by your own design.

TJL: Yes, and not your own standards. Standards have a certain edge to them. Thanks, Dave. The 2nd step we found is t identify the 25 elements of you as a perfect person; we also suggest you put half of them as qualities you already have and the rest, qualities you'd really like to have. For me, I'm able to synthesize conflicting ideas and truths very quickly - that's something that I like about myself that I'm proud of. There are also some I don't have - I would never be late with any promise.

DB: That's pretty funny, Thomas!

TJL: Thanks, Dave. He knows I'm late with everything! Another one would be I love myself. I've just never been able to grasp that concept, but I think it would be cool to have that in my life. I guess the phrasing, "I would….." is really key here. I use that term a lot in terms of structure to keep it out of the affirmation mode, but more as a visualization process. These items can be behavior changes, steps to becoming a better person, lessons to learn about life, interesting shifts, and they could also be personality changes. The tagline to this program is "Why not?" Dave or Susan, any comments on the first 2 steps?

Susan: Is this a checklist sort of process? How do you go about loving yourself?

TJL: I have no idea. Here's another example - I would encourage people 100 percent of the time. I'm making progress with that, but I'm not there yet.

Susan: So it is a process?

TJL: Yes, and this is just kind of the format we've come up with.

DB: I was curious if you think - the process is similar to a perfect life, and in that program, once you've have those elements crafted, they seem to take on a life of their own. Do the perfect person elements have that same kind of quality?

TJL: I think they do to some extent. I can say that these are seeds I planted, but some of them need more fertilizer or water; I haven't had enough evidence yet to be sure. The 3rd step is to set up structures to make these come true. This the step I haven't gotten to yet. In some cases, even if you've found some things you can't change, going into therapy might even be part of the structure. To accelerate the process, you really need to have additional structures.

DB: I had a funny image when you mentioned this. What I was thinking that you decide to do workshops in your town on a perfect person and set yourself up to public scrutiny. Oh yeah, there's Dave - he's the perfect person.

TJL: I like your idea, Dave, that's great! (laugh) So you're doing that in New Jersey?

DB: You bet - maybe in Newark! (laugh)

TJL: Just remember perfect means perfect, it doesn't mean anything good or bad. If it doesn't appeal to you, just run from this. Any final comments Dave or Susan?

Susan: It can be daunting to have this big list, but from what you're saying, I could start wherever I want to and start without anything big or heavy.

DB: I think what this is as well is that anytime you can be really clear about what you desire that will always serve you somehow.

TJL: Yes; if you use the words "I should" then you're heading in the wrong direction. Susan and Dave, thanks for contributing today. This ends the initial segment.

(moment of silence)

Okay, we're still recording. If you have some questions, feedback or comments about this process or the word perfect.

XXX: Perfect sounds like a finality with no room to grow further.

TJL: Yes, people see perfect as the end point, but generally perfect is an absence of flaws, not an end state. Big difference

XXX: Big distinction.

TJL: Yes - who else?

XXX: I'm having trouble articulating this one - if I'm to write my list based on how I would like to be and get what I want out of life, then one would be anger, that is intimidating to people. I thought changing that behavior would really be great, and someone asked, yes, but would that help you be a nice person? I don't think I was put on earth to be a niece person.

TJL: Describe the nature of the anger.

XXX: Feeling strong in my opinion.

TJL: And if you didn't feel strong in your opinion, would that be the end of your life?

XXX: That's a good question; maybe it would.

TJL: People think you don't need a spark, you need a fire. People think that being a rabble-rouser is a good skill, but I think as humans fall, I think we're finding more sophisticated ways to help people. Coaches today inspire people, rather than trying to push people forward. We're just getting better and using better technology to get things done with less pain and fewer side effects. I think anger and resentment has been a valuable tool because it does get things done, but as you evolve, you find a more sophisticated way to get those things accomplished.

XXX: Yes - what I've just realized is that I'm in fear of losing ground.

TJL: It's gotten to you in a good way, and yet at the same time….. anger is polluting. Look at the shift from fuel combustion cars to electric cars and the environment. I loved your statements so thanks for bringing that up. Who else has some comments?

DB: We're all too busy working on our perfect person elements!

XXX: I'm kind of having difficulty getting over that word 'perfect'.

TJL: When you look at the dictionary, nowhere in there says what it "should" be (reads the definition to the group).

XXX: From that position, now it sounds like a finely-tune machine that can really perform for a long-term.

TJL: Yes, it's sustainable performance.

XXX: That's the term! Now I can come up with 25.

TJL: Very good; thank you.

XXX: Thomas, could you go over the 3rd step again?

TJL: Sure - setting up structures of support?

XXX: Yes - how to set them up.

TJL: I would find a friend. When I first came up with the perfect life, my friend Dean and I decided to play this game together and I think the same thing can work if you find someone who is of like mind. We just talked together every few days and worked on our list of elements. Also, as more coaches advance through this module and get familiar with the topic, I think you'll find this being talked about more and more.

XXX: Thank you.

TJL: Anyone else?

Susan: Do you find as you work through your list, are you adding more things or is it pretty static?

TJL: I tweaked a few things in the beginning, but it's pretty much there.

Susan: Are they mutually exclusive - can you be a perfect person and not have a perfect life?

TJL: That's such a good question; I don't know.

XXX: I think the greatest challenge is going to be removing the "judgment of self" stuff.

DB: Make that one of your elements - never to judge yourself!

XXX: Great - I've got to write that one down.

TJL: The other approach, too, is that I've got better stuff to do than be a perfect person. It's either really ironic or paradoxical. It's not a whole self-defining trap, but it's a wonderful accessory to my life. I look at it as important and meaningful, but not overly so, and that's what keeps it light.

XXX: Almost like keeping it on the sidebar?

TJL: Yeah, that's a good point. I want to debrief over the next couple of minutes. What's most intriguing to you about this concept?

XXX: I really like the distinction between perfectionism and perfect person.

TJL: Good point. Who else?

XXX: The re-defining of the word perfect really made this a draw for me; I could see this pulling me forward to higher and higher levels. Just the journey - it's the exciting piece.

TJL: Yes - it's very rich. Who else?

XXX: And your list can be inspiring, not a heavy to-do list.

TJL: It can be a to-do list, but should be things that excite you. Anyone else?

XXX: It gets me to look at what I really want for myself.

TJL: Yes. Or to become. Who else?

DB: I was just thinking the same thing; it's an intriguing source of inspiration, and it's really intriguing just to think about the idea.

TJL: No matter what you do with it, it's going to do something.

DB: Exactly. It's something I don't think people do very often.

TJL: So, it's the beginning of something. Cool.

Susan: And for me, I've been looking outside myself, and it's never really dawned n me I could design it for myself.

XXX: If you start from within, you can sustain it.

TJL: Exactly!

XXX: I don't always know myself as well as I would like to, so I'm going to ask my support group what they think I should do to be more perfect.

TJL: Remember, start off with the things that already are - that will get you in the right mindset for what you want to perfect.

XXX: I like the R&D team idea - what is perfect about me in your sight?

TJL: Well said. Talk about a self-discovery process! Great, thank you all for contributing. Have a wonderful day!