Susan: And Susan Austin!

TJL: If you ever get concerned or frustrated, just press 5 and you'll get an instant virtual Tylenol. We spent a good 10 hours developing this micro-module. Part of the tension is the pain in getting t that place where you enjoy the tension. I want to start with 3 examples of paradoxes. I am lying. If I'm lying, how could that be true? This sentence is false. This page is intentionally blank. Those are the easy ones. I'll then give you some examples, we'll share some quotes, talk about the benefits of having a paradox, and so on. Here we go.

The definition of paradox is a statement that just sounds contradictory. The outcome for you in this is to get comfortable with contradictions themselves and be able to hold 2 truths at the same time; it's to handle the duality of things that are equally valuable. Again, just to give you the definition of a paradox: a seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true. For example, standing is more tiring that walking. Also it's defined as a statement contrary to popular opinion. What's true about paradoxes? One thing - life is full of apparent contradiction because of our apparent understanding of the complexity of life is still quite low. As we get smarter these actually become possible - perfection is perfectable. By not doing all, all is accomplished. Playing it safe is dangerous. Those seem like apparent contradictions, don't they? Most people can't handle shades of gray or enjoy the duality of things. An amoeba has a hard time enjoying paradoxes! As we get more complex as humans, we actually ramp up our ability to understand contradictions. Dave, what's true about paradoxes?

DB: The more you're able to enjoy the paradoxes that tension causes, the less likely you are to get stopped or blocked. If you think something is wrong, you can't move forward, but if you can accept 2 things are true at the same time, that often frees you up to move forward.

TJL: Yes - if you slow down, you'll get to your destination faster.

DB: The more you give, the more you seem to have. If you didn't understand or couldn't understand that paradox, you would get stopped by giving away your best stuff. If you understand it thought, you wouldn't be blocked and would actually give more away.

Susan: So is the point here to understand these so we can use them with our clients or just get our arms around these as individuals?

TJL: I think the instructors are just trying to understand them! (laugh)

XXX: How about the point is that there is no point?

TJL: We don't know quite yet, but we know that this is an interesting topic and that clients often get stuck. Black or white is pretty vivid, but gray is subtle and pretty dull. The blandness of gray is less appealing than the contrast of black and white. With paradoxes there may not be options.

Susan: I think that goes along with the 3rd truth - it's tempting to try to resolve paradoxes but you don't have to resolve them, it's just to accept that they're true.

TJL: We can't leave haphazard to chance. As you're planning, you can be spontaneous.

DB: Great example! I like that.

TJL: Here's a great story that someone sent in - in yoga the correct pose, called sana, is struck when the body is experiencing tension. For example, the muscles on the front of the legs are tight and the backs of the legs are relaxed. For the beginner, this makes no sense. For the advanced learned, it is understood, and for the master, it is a no-brainer. The way we start is kind of perplexed - we're not sure what to do with it. As you get better, you realize it's possible, and then you're almost thriving on the ambiguity of having both at the same time.

Just a couple benefits - when you're faced with a paradox it forces internal focus and expansion. That kind of internal gym work strengthens your mind. You can try to change it externally, or you can think about how to grow on the inside and handle the contradictions.

Susan: Yes, and another one I like, there is a life skill you can relate to - I've been in a group that had to be this way or that way, but I saw the paradox. Just seeing the paradox and being able to deal with it is a life skill. If you're comfortable with paradoxes, you can see the way it can be together at the same time and gives you a powerful way of relating.

TJL: For those who are righteous and justice oriented, you'll love paradoxes. Another benefit here is that you become a stronger conceptual thinker, and the more free you are to be a creative thinker. If that's the next step in our evolution, you're really poised to take advantage of that. Paradoxes may be the cattle prod or catalyst for moving forward.

Finally, creative people see the need for a certain amount of dynamic tension for creativity to occur. I want to read a couple quotes here, and then we'll go through the steps of the paradox here. Big joke is this - in any form of duality, the one we have judged inferior is the one that rules us.

You are god and you are also nothing. If you can get into the middle of this, you will become very balanced, very productive and very neutral.

Paradoxes often get confused with problems; problems have solutions - paradoxes just are.

There can be more comfort in the absence of understanding than in being certain.

You are never closer to the truth than when confused by a paradox.

Everything is true.

Here are the 3 steps to enjoying the tension of paradoxes. 1. Notice the tension of what you're experiencing and simply be perplexed. 2. Come to accept this tension even if you don't understand it or agree with it. 3. Come to enjoy the tension of a paradox. Those are the 3 steps. I think they go well with the yoga story we talked about earlier. The 3rd step is probably the key place here.

Susan: You're not just saying paradoxes, you're saying enjoy the 'tension' of paradoxes.

TJL: Yes, it comes with a contradiction and we're not really built to handle contradictions. Whenever you sound confusing to someone, just call it a paradox and be done with it. if you can afford doubt, if you can afford confusion, you can afford the tension and actually enjoy the tension.

DB: I think that's the key things in terms of the benefits - being able to notice paradoxes. If you have an idea that's bringing creativity to your work will help you, if you work with paradoxes, you will enhance your creativity. It's almost like a lateral path, but it definitely works.

TJL: Another couple of ideas then we'll turn it over to the coaches. The desire to become desireless is a desire.

DB: That's a good one!

TJL: I'm someone who doesn't like labels.

XXX: We're all laughing here!

TJL: Learning increases ignorance - isn't that one of the coolest things you ever heard? Why do we bother learning if it's just going to get worse?

Susan: That's the story of my life, Thomas!

TJL: The more I play, the harder God works.
Keeping it simple can be very complex.
The more labor saving tools we get, the harder we work.
Saying no is saying yes.
The more I seek, the less I am.
Police departments need crime.
He who is everywhere is nowhere.

Some of these are more powerful than others. Let's do this - we'll end the first segment of this call and come back in about a minute or two.

(moment of silence)

TJL: Let's start - first, I'd like to hear from each and everyone of you about one thing you felt was fascinating or interesting about what we've been talking about.

XXX: I found all of it interesting. I think the whole direction of first explaining it and then having the steps and being able to see the end result was god. It almost takes you towards a goal.

TJL: So rather than a person 'should' enjoy paradoxes, we're almost giving them a reason to enjoy them?

XXX: Yes. It's a confusing subject, and it's exciting about what will happen when you do understand that tension.

TJL: Thanks.

Barbara:
The thing that was most tolerable for me was your honesty in acknowledging that you still find it a difficult topic. It's liberating to hear that. Thank you for that.

TJL: Thank you for that. Who's next?

Heidi: I just had the whole call here on mute because I was just laughing out loud. I realized that the tension is my major source of energy and I thought I was crazy. It just became clear to me that I don't have to become bankrupt to enjoy the tension - it's just liberating!

TJL: There's enough tension everywhere, you don't have to make it worse! So, people that are drama junkies just give them a couple paradoxes and they're happy!

Heidi: Yes.

TJL: Thanks, Heidi.

Heidi: I have a question - how do I talk like that with people, but how do I do that? You have to get people into the whole 'enjoy the tension' mode, you can't just say it - their eyes will glaze over.

TJL: Well, one thing you can do is not use the word 'paradox'. You can just ask them not to choose, but maybe do both. Ask them, 'what if both were true?" That'll be the biggest gift t them. What's most compelling is that they understand there are paradoxes, and giving them ways to handle them in general. Make sense?

Heidi: Yeah, thanks.

TJL: Who else?

Steve: Causing tension is like the light lighting up in my mind. One example for me is that the status quo is the way forward.

TJL: Say more abut that.

Steve: If I'm caught in a situation and have many options, I may decide on the one that I'm comfortable with and stick with it.

TJL: So you're saying it might be one of the best ways forward? That's great. Thanks for sharing.

Julia: Self-growth is a paradox.

TJL: So some self-growth is no growth at all? A lot of self-growth is accepting the internal. Thanks for that.

Julia: My question is how does a paradox differ from an oxymoron?

TJL: I know that - an oxymoron is a pair of words that are designed to be mutually exclusive. A paradox has the tension of that fear that causes the interest. Who else has a questin or comment?

XXX: I think that makes it easier because I think it opens you up to the freedom of saying that you don't agreement, like agreeing to disagree.

TJL: Yes, because disagreement is agreement. Thanks for that. Anyone else?

XXX: I think one of the things that's helped me is 'trust - it all fits'; that's something my coach told me a few years ago.

TJL: Nicely said! Good for your coach. One of the benefits of what you said is that giving a lot of individuals with coaches, we're experimenting a lot and as a result we get a little confused because we can't understand how this connects with that. By having the comfort of a phrase like that, it lets us get through it and allows us to look for the fit.

Susie: I just kept getting this message about nothing's wrong.

DB: Is nothing's wrong a paradox or is that just an awareness?

TJL: Great question.

Valerie: I think it's a paradox.

TJL: Well said. Anyone else?

Valerie: I'm very comfortable with paradoxes on a mental and emotional level, but how d you deal with them on a physical level?

TJL: That would be one of our advance module sets! (laugh) that was great! Anyone else want to top that? How about any final comments, Dave or Susan? Tension may seem like a negative thing, but maybe there's just delight in the fact of having tension at all.

Susan: I think you nailed this one, but I'm almost reluctant to say this! (laugh)

TJL: Don't give me too much praise yet, Susan!

XXX: Are you going to have a list of these in the module?

TJL: Yes, we will.

XXX: Will it be 100 or….?

TJL: Yeah, yeah, yeah! (laugh) Thank you all for contributing; have a great day!