XXX: Can I ask a question? I thought we were here for laser coaching.

TJL: Oh wow - let me print out those notes so I can speak somewhat proficiently on that! I feel kind of sheepish. Our focus this afternoon is on laser coaching. I've been speaking on this for 6 or 7 years, and I've kind of changed my thinking on this. I have used laser coaching for a couple of years because it was so heavy; we're going to give you the newer version on today's call. The 1st step is to identify where lasering might be useful and ensure the time is right. 2nd step is to share a truth relating to their situation, and 3rd, allow the client to look at their situation in a new way.

One of the benefits of this technique and approach is that you can help them get aligned faster, feel a sense of relief faster, get unblocked faster, and so on. We're all stuck on something all the time that's slowing us down, and you can use this to help them become more super-conductive. We also use it with a client when they're in a situation where they're over their head; I like to use it when I want to get a client back on track. There's a little bit of a distinction here - it's between "the truth" and "my truth". There's always truth happening all the time, and truth is an important part of the coaching process. We often have a version of the truth that is "my truth", and you want to work with them on "the truth". Susan, would you share something about your mom with us?

Susan: Okay, great.

TJL: I know last week you were sharing some frustrations with your mom and how things weren't working.

Susan: Yes - I've been trying to work on a relationship with her, and I just keep getting frustrated and keep going around and around. Sometimes I'd like to just give up, but she's my mother and I'd like to have a relationship with her.

TJL: Yes; there's a certain pressure people feel to have relationships with a parent, but perhaps they should move on. There's no requirement that mother and daughter be particularly close. Is this something you want to spend time on for the next 10-20 years, or would you rather work on something else instead?

Susan: I'd rather work on something else instead. Actually, that feels really good because I feel like I should work on this. I go back and forth so much because I feel like I should get it resolved, but thinking about it that way is a 180-degree spin from what I've thought.

TJL: Sometimes the cost is just too high and the person just takes a break from how it should be, to just how it is. It seems odd to have to talk about a parent that way. I'll stop right here, but Susan, one thing I want to talk about is it's fairly normal for things to be this way between parents and children. Part of the process of laser coaching is to point out a truth or the truth about the way a person is feeling about the situation. I didn't go into any of the background, but just pointed out that this is what happens frequently. The point is not to be glib or cold about it, but let them know this is quite common because they often take it quite personally. I didn't get into psychology or her history, but just shared an observation. For example, one of our 3-step trainings is on success, and most people haven't defined success for themselves - that's just a truth, just the way it is. It's a tremendous gift for the client who's stuck.

Susan, what was the benefit for you?

Susan: Well, the biggest benefit was to take the focus off me or her. I was caught up in behaviors and boundaries, and it just relieved me from all that.

TJL: Ironically, what often happens when you share something like this with a client, they often become closer to their parents, for example, because all the shoulds and coulds have been removed.

Susan: Very helpful.

TJL: Remember, step 1 is to identify where laser might be useful and identify that the timing is right. In the old days, we had t ask permission but today it's not that way at all.

DB: It's the new high-tech version!

TJL: Dave, do you have any observations?

DB: Yes - if you're coaching someone an there's a particular place where your client is stuck and it seems to be recurring, it's highly likely that there's an opportunity for laser coaching. The 2nd thing is to draw upon your experiences or your clients' experiences so you can share with them a truth that takes the pressure off them. Then step 3 is to allow the client to look at their situation in a new way, and often that's just the release of pressure to allow them to look at something in a new way.

TJL: Yes, you notice I didn't say too much; I just let them talk it out. It kind of locks it in for them, and lets them get to the heart of it.

DB: Yes - it's just that bigger perspective that lets you see it more clearly.

TJL: When you're having a reaction or feeling compelled to make a difference, stop. It's important to know that you're the instrument, but it's not about you.

XXX: Yes, and the objectivity that a coach can provide just allows this to happen.

TJL: One of the benefits of this process is that now Susan can look at every other event in her life and see the truth in the situation, rather than just her truth. There's just truth abounding, and as coaches, you'll start coming up with a number of truths that are helpful for a client in the coaching process.

Dave and Susan, thanks so much for the initial discussion about the laser coaching process.

(moment of silence for study hosts to stop the recording and work on the group exercise)

TJL: We're still recording, and now we're going to answer your questions; anybody want to start?

DB: One point: as we discussed, there could be several truths around a situation; it could be that the truth you share with them might not nail it, so there's another truth you can use - you can ask them what you think the universal truth is around that issue. If the client can identify the issue, that can serve to free them up too.

TJL: Thanks. Anybody else have a question?

XXX: I think there's a timeframe where if they don't release, it's almost like planting seeds. Sometimes they're coming back 3 to 6 weeks later and telling me what the truth is!

TJL: Very good; the wave might come later - excellent point.

XXX: Yes, and it might even be 5 years later.

TJL: As you say, we plant seeds all day long; some will turn into flowers in a day, and some will turn into trees 10 years from now.

Barbara:
I have a situation I'd like to laser on.

TJL: Sure; let me get my laser pointer ready!

Barbara:
Okay, I really am tired of my corporate job. I just know at this stage of life there's got to be more for me, but I just can't throw away what I've built up. I know you've told me I've got options, but I just don't see them.

TJL: Well, you may not. With your lifestyle and your background, very few people would toss that away. Whatever the reason may be, they don't want to give that up because they feel like they've made a mistake. People get wedded to a lifestyle, and it's very hard to break those bonds, and most people simply aren't willing to make the change. Often, it takes a certain level of pain, but low-level frustration isn't generally enough for someone to make that leap.

Barbara:
I must say that makes sense, but I just can't see any options.

TJL: It sounds like you don't have one because you're willing to stay in that situation and you're not willing to accept the consequences of that change. There's always a price to pay for everything. Now if you want to learn some entrepreneurial skills, we can work on that.

Barbara:
So you're saying I have to decide.

TJL: You could say that, but I think you've already made the decision and you're not willing t take the risk. About 25 percent of all people say the same things you're saying; that's just how it works. I totally get what you're saying but it may not be enough.

Barbara:
When do I know or how do I know when it's time?

TJL: Okay, let's stop here. Barbara, just from your experience what was intriguing about this?

Barbara:
Just when you said, you might not have any options there was a strong reaction! My body said I really do want to have options!

TJL: That's a good way to describe the feelings that can come up during step 2. For other clients, I might take it very differently, but I was just playing off your comments. Some clients, now that you tell them there might not be any options, they'll come back to me with 12! Anybody else want to comment on what they heard?

Lupita: I thought that you never made her wrong, and that was great.

TJL: Yes; it wasn't about her, but it was about people in her situation.

Lupita: Yes - it was like a fact and she could take what she needed from that.

TJL: Well said. Any other comments?

Valerie: I'm enjoy the analogy - in this example, you didn't leave any big scars, but removed what didn't need to be there. It's like she just went on her own healing process there - she could see for herself what needed to happen.

TJL: Well said. Dave, what's your quote about truth?

DB: The truth'll set you free, but it'll probably piss you off first! (laugh)

XXX: That's great!

DB: It's not my quote, but it's a great one!

TJL: Dave, any comments for you?

DB: Yes, just one thing about this that you've said many times, there is a truth for every situation. Keep in mind that whatever the situation is - any area someone could be stuck - there is a truth in there somewhere. If you have that fundamental notion in life, you can usually come up with something from either your own experience or inquiring with the client about what they think the truth is. To always have this in your toolbag, you need to have that understanding.

As coaches, once you get this notion of the thing called the truth, then you'll start noticing the truth everywhere.

TJL: And you'll start labeling it as such!

XXX: And Thomas, when you were working with Barbara, it takes some pressure off you as a coach.

DB: It's so much cleaner working with the laser and there's minimal clean up afterwards!

TJL: You're no longer having to be in the fix-it business, you're simply setting up an environment for them to look at themselves in. Anyone else learn something from this call today?

Candy: I learned that manipulation from the client didn't take place; you didn't give them the opportunity to get involved in their drama.

TJL: Yes, I think people need to be commiserated with; when I've got a dilemma or a problem, I want to be heard. When that's occurred, you can then work on a solution.

DB: Very good; the timing is critical - that's the key point here. It's knowing and feeling when the right time is to look at their problem in a different way.

TJL: It reminds me, when you do this once, you'll probably never have another conversation about this specific problem. It's kind of cool that way.

Valerie: I came on to the call that laser coaching was just a time thing; I didn't have the right thing for the term at all!

TJL: You're not alone - people look at it as a quick and deep package, and it can be that, but the newer definition is really that it's more of a reflective technique.

XXX: It's much more education than I thought. What's interesting to me is that I'm recognizing it as something I do, but I'm wondering if I'm really doing it right!

Rosemary:
I have to echo what you just said, Valerie. I learned exactly what you did, but I can see where you can do this in 10 or 15 minutes too, because it's so forceful. I can see how you can use this on very specific issues in a short period of time and get some really good results.

TJL: I've had some clients that, after 10 minutes, they just had to get off the call and let this process! Any final comments?

DB: Speak the truth!

TJL: Thank you all; thanks for being on the call! Have a great day!